Free Help for Porn Addiction

Do you want to free up your time, improve your relationships, and re-gain your self respect?

My name is Alex and I am a recovering porn addict. I was raised in a regular home with two normal parents. Like many teenage boys I started watching pornography when I was around 10 years old. I was very isolated from other kids and for a large part of my life pornography was my only “true friend”. I didn’t know that porn could have a negative effect and viewed it as a healthy way to have fun and deal with my emotions.

My Pornography Use Continued to Escalate

Over the years, my use of pornography continued to escalate. I thought that I will be able to stop once I get into a relationship with a real woman but realized that it was not the case. High stresses of life, combined with anonymity, availability, and accessibility of porn over the high speed internet seemed to have taken my porn use completely out of control.

It went on until about three years ago. By that point my porn addiction was completely out of control. I would spend up to 8 hours every day watching porn and masturbating. In order to make time for my habit I would skip sleep, work, and even time with my family. I felt guilty, shameful, worthless, and hopeless.

I Swore to Do Whatever it Takes

After a while I simply couldn’t deny that I had a problem. I swore to myself that I would do whatever it takes to find a way out. To my surprise there was not a lot of help available for porn addiction. And the few places that did offer help, were asking for a large financial commitment that I was just not able to make. That is why I proceeded to try to find a way out on my own.

Finding Solution for Porn Addiction

I've dedicated my undivided attention towards finding a solution for my porn addiction. I've read every addiction book that I could get my hands on, until I finally found a technique called, Exposure and Response Prevention, that allowed me to see the first glimpses of light.

I then proceeded to read even more books, began seeing a therapist, purchased few recovery programs, and began attending a 12 step meeting for sex addiction. It has now been almost 2 years since I watched pornography or masturbated.

Combination of Different Methods Brings the Optimal Result

Through my experience in recovery, I noticed that many people were too fixated on one particular approach. Some people relied solely on group therapy, some on religious programs, some on cognitive therapy, and some on eastern philosophy. Yet in my experience a combination of different methods appeared to be bringing the optimal result. I’ve shared some of my ideas with my friends in recovery and received a very positive response. That is what encouraged me to develop this site.

I've summarized the most important information that allowed me to stop porn addiction in 23 short and fun to read articles.

In the Free Recovery Course You Will Discover...

1. A chemical process that takes place in your brain causing you to get addicted
2. The addictive cycle that your body goes through and how to break out of it
3. How the human brain works and why sometimes you lose control of your actions
4. Four simple exercises to strengthen your brain
5. How to create your sexual recovery plan
6. How to control your cravings
7. An important strategy to help you beat your addiction once and for all
8. How your beliefs are causing you to suffer
9. Seven beliefs that were keeping me trapped
10. One big lesson that I learned from my relapse and what you can do to avoid my mistakes
11. Two very important tools that can magnify your recovery
12. Four things that you can do to help you stay sober for the rest of your life 

Click Here for Free Recovery Course!

 

Frequently Asked Question:

 

What do I have to pay for this information?

All information is offered for free and nothing is expected from you in return!

This site is supported through members’ donations, advertising revenue and sales commissions. That being said nobody is going to try to sell you anything! This model was adopted because it allows to provide free help for porn addiction to anybody anywhere in the world, without having to charge an expensive monthly fee.

Does this information really work?

Every person is different. It has most definitely worked for me. Additionally you can read a a lot of positive comments throughout this website. Since we started offering a free recovery course in August of 2010 over four hundred people has signed up for email delivery, and over ten thousand people have read it over our site. We’ve received no complaints and have been thanked many times.

Why should I listen to you?

My only credentials is that I’ve been there. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. English is not my first language, and my educational background is in computer engineering.

That being said, most of the information that I share on this site did not come from me directly. Rather it is my collection and interpretation of different approaches and techniques that I learned from a large number of books and training courses offered by people who do have credentials. I like to believe that I did a very good job of putting it all together, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Why should I read your stuff?

Because it would allow you to learn from my mistakes instead of making your own. Note that you don’t have to be addicted to pornography to benefit from this site. Most of the information provided is common sense, day to day psychology that will allow you to better understand the inner workings of the human mind, and allow you to get a greater control of your life.

Since this site presents information from a variety of different approaches you would be more likely to find something new and effective that could turn your life towards new direction and allow you to enjoy a new level of freedom.

This information is provided at no additional cost. You virtually have nothing to lose (except for a few minutes of your time) but you have a world to gain.

Last but not least, because by reading this information, commenting on this site, and participating in the forum, you would not only help yourself, but you will also help others. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step. And by giving a little bit of your attention towards this site you can make this world a little better. You’ll see that by learning and applying some of the techniques discussed here, you’ll begin to transform your life! And you will be amazed to discover that your transformation will begin to improve the lives of those around you!

Click Here for Free Recovery Course!

History of Pornagraphy, and How it Became a Problem

Graphic Display of Human Sexuality

Pornography is a graphic display of human sexuality that can be traced as far back as any other sign of human intelligence. Throughout the ages pornography has evolved and developed, but it was not until the technological and ideological progress of the 20th century that pornography was able to find its way in literally every aspect of modern society. At this time American society has not yet formed a uniformly accepted opinion about the effects of pornography. Some activists suggest that pornography provides people a healthy way to explore their sexuality. Others argue that pornography is the root of all evil, and must be eliminated completely. Neither side is able to supply a solid proof of their position. Growing rates of failed marriages and increase in sex related crimes, however, suggest that, even though a moderate exposure to pornography is probably harmless, and excessive exposure can have a devastating effect on involved individuals.

History of Prostitution

In his book “A history of prostitution from antiquity to the present day” George R. Scott states that the first sexual drawing was made by the cave man, and dates back almost a thousand years prior to the discovery of the first written document. Since then, human sexuality has played a major role in majority of the developing societies. Even though pornography existed, it was mainly used as instructional materials, and not as a primary source of sexual attention. With the development of Judeo-Christian system of morals and the restriction of human sexuality, prostitution began to serve as a source of satisfaction for the human sexual desires. Scott provides devastating statistics to support his statements. For example, it was estimated that one of eight women in 18th century New York was working as a part or full time prostitute. Towards the middle of the 20th century, with the development of science, people begun to question the traditional believes.

Oppression of Human Sexuality Caused a Lot of Problems

They could not help but notice that oppression of human sexuality caused a lot of problems in the society. Various movements became to develop, that advocated a free expression of human sexuality, and developed in what we now know as a sexual revolution. Contraception became wildly practiced, and enrolment in premarital sexual relationship became a norm. As a result the need for prostitution greatly decreased, and this fact was commonly used by the free love movement supporters. As a result of sexual revolution, pornography has also made its way in to the mainstream society. Pornography began to be viewed as an individual right to the self exploration. Here is what Sallie Tisdale, a writer and a feminist of the time had to say about an anti-pornography effort by another famous feminist Catharine MacKinnon:

I take this personally, the effort to repress materials I enjoy – to tell me how wrong it is for me to enjoy it. Anti-pornographic legislation is directed at me: as a user, as a writer. Catharine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin [noted radical feminists who oppose pornography]… are themselves prurient, scurrying after sex in every corner. They look down on me and shake a finger: Bad girl. Mustn’t touch. That branch of feminism tells me my very thoughts are bad, that anything goes… The message of pornography… is that our sexual selves are real. (Pornography Opposing Views, p29)

Many health care professionals began to rely on pornography as a means of alternating of human sexual behavior. In their eyes pornagrophy was simply one of the tools that they could use to help their clients. Here is an example of what one sexologist of the time, Pattin Britton Ph.D, had to say on this matter:

As a board-certified clinical sexologist, I can tell you that it is common knowledge in my field that sexually explicit films and videos are often recommended as a mode of treatment for couples or individuals with clinical sexual problems. Such materials are viewed by professionals as helpful, not harmful, assets in the treatment process. (Pornography opposing Views, p30)

Sexual Revolution Brought Sexual Freedom

The sexual revolution brought sexual freedom, but it did not change the way people viewed family and marriage traditions. Men and women continued to get married, have families and have children. And they continued to have all of the same difficulties that the families were facing for centuries. Here is how Punneet Bedi describes these difficulties in his article titled “The hypocrisy of marriage”

Chastity is the most unnatural of all sexual perversions.” Aldous Huxley, who wrote this, wouldn’t have been surprised by any such survey. Indeed, had monogamy been natural, restrictions imposed by marriage wouldn’t have been required. Animal behavior is governed by biological needs and multiple sexual partners create genetic variation essential for evolution. Even in the oft-quoted monogamous birds, recent DNA studies reveal that the male is often not the father and re-pairing occurs to improve reproductive choices. Human beings are no different biologically.
People changed partners liberally in nomadic communities and paternity wasn’t known. As man settled, he wanted to ensure the children he was bringing up and who’d inherit his possessions, were his own. Marriage was conceived to ensure fatherhood. Polygamy and polyandry was common throughout history and one man-one woman relationships are a recent phenomenon.
Marriage demands abstinence from extra marital sex for either spouse, but the desire is so strong that marriage vows are often broken. Like all moral codes, marriage rules are generally hypocritical. Moral wrong doing, sexual infections or unwanted pregnancies may be the reasons for some, but the fear of breaking a marriage by betrayal is the most common deterrent. Like most things pleasurable but forbidden, extra marital sex is sought when one is sure that one will not be caught.

Prior to Internet Pornography, a Person Had to Go Through a Lot of Risk Get External Sexual Activity

As stated in the above article although it is common for people to feel occasional urge to seek a relationship outside of their marriage, very few actually choose to follow up on that urge. Prior to the development of internet pornography, a person had to go through a lot of trouble to get involved in any sort of external sexual activity. In order to get a prostitute, engage in affair, or even go to a strip club an individual had to take a risk of being caught and exposed. With pornography being marketed as a healthy behavior, many people turned to it to satisfy their sexual desires. A trip to a shop that sold pornographic material still has proven to be a relatively dangerous activity, with a risk of being noticed by family members or friends. All of this has changes with the development of the internet technology. Man and women no longer had to risk an embarrassing exposure in order to get their access to pornography. Now they could watch an unlimited amount of obscene material from the comfort of their home. They could even get involved in the “harmless” internet sex with the help of video cameras. Here is an example of just one of these cases from Dr’s Schneider and Weiss book “Cybersex Exposed”

Jack, the oldest of four children, became the “man of the house” at age eleven, when his father left his mother for a younger woman. Jack’s mother took on two jobs in order to feed the family, leaving Jack largely responsible for his three siblings… Jack was very much “prettified,” meaning that at times he was needed to be more the parent than the child. After college, Jack married Susanna, a very dependent young woman, and continued his pattern of feeling responsible for other’s happiness. Several years after his wedding, he became involved with a secretary at work. The affair provided a haven from his responsibilities and gave him a chance to experience intrigue, excitement, and just plain fun, something with which he’d had very little experience. After a year, however the secretary…told Susanna about the affair. Susanna’s response was uncharacteristically independent: she divorced him.
When Jack got married for the second time, he told doubting buddies, “I mean it, this time no extramarital secret life.” One wedding present, a home computer, gave Jack entry to a whole new world - the Internet. Unknown to his friends and new spouse, Jack was involved nightly in three different online affairs, had downloaded more than 1200 pornographic images … and was spending fifteen to twenty hours a week in sexual chat rooms …- all of this secret from his wife and accessed from his study at home.
Before their marriage, Jack and his second wife, Jody, has enjoyed healthy sexual relationship, but gradually, as Jack’s hidden Internet life became more arousing to him than sex with his wife, he grew more detached and withdrawn… Jack justified his activities by telling himself, “I’m not actually cheating. I’m not having real sex with anyone else… I am just having some fun, and no one is being hurt.” He told Jody that his heavy work schedule … were so draining that he was just not interested in sex for the time being. (Schneider, Weiss, p2-3)

Jack's use of pornography can hardly be classified as “healthy”

Clearly Jack's use of pornography can hardly be classified as “healthy”. Nevertheless the fact that pornography was not being views as anything bad caused Jack to think that everything was ok. Eventually Jody went on to discover his behavior, and she felt that it was neither healthy nor fair. Jack, however, is not alone. Today more and more men begin to find themselves in Jacks shoes.

A groundbreaking cybersex survey by Cooper and associate of 9,265 Internet users found that 8.5 percent were sexually compulsive of addictive. These cybersex users spent at least eleven hours per week in online sexual pursuit. They were considered addicts because they generally denied their online sexual activities, and continued going online despite poor academic or job performance, relationships difficulties, job loss, sexual harassment suits, arrests, failed relationships, or other adverse consequences.
Approximately 1 percent of the cybersex addicts in a follow-up analysis of the groundbreaking Cooper cybersex survey had a lengthy history of sexual obsession and compulsions that long preceded their discovery of sex on the Internet. (Schneider, Weiss, p10)

According to the provided statistics 7.5 percent of internet users developed a porn addiction without being previous predisposed.

It is estimated that well over 60 million people in the U.S. purposely visit Internet porn sites. According to ComScore Media Matrix, there were 63.4 million unique visitors to adult websites in December of 2005, viewing over 15 billion pages of adult content. (Kastleman, p3)

8.5 percent out of 60 million people means that there are over 5.1 million people currently addicted to pornography in U.S. alone, which is more that population of Los Angeles, San Jose and San Francisco combined. Out of these people, 4.5 million would not have become addicted if it was not for internet pornography. And with the number of internet users constantly increasing this numbers are very likely to go up. Cybersex addicts, like any other addicts, become preoccupied with their addiction and stop being responsible members of society. Here is how two of the porn addicts describe their condition.

While many hours at a time were wasted in this endeavor, it never seemed to really satisfy me. Oh, it would for the moment or while I was actually viewing the files, but the letdown and guilt afterwards were a real downer. I found myself risking everything – wife, family, reputation – in pursuit of this compulsion. It was when I began to view it as a compulsion that I knew I had a serious problem. But I did not and could not stop. It was only when my wife found some Web-temp [pornographic] files on our home computer that I was forced to finally confront the problem.
-A forty-seven-year-old married man
Cybersex use consumed my life. I was to the point where just closing my eyes would bring on an uncontrollable need to feed my addictive fantasies. The pictures viewed would haunt me day and night. I couldn’t look at another person without some filthy thought coming into my mind.
- A thirty-five-year-old married woman(Schneider,Weiss, p50)

Pornography Can Be Addictive

Many people disagree with the notion that pornography can be addictive. After all they were taught pornography viewing is healthy exploration of one own sexuality. Empowered by the belief that many men and women engage in pornography viewing, as a temporary means to combat their loneliness, or as a fun thing to do, curtain that when need to be they will be able to stop. In a matter of fact the majority does not realize that their behaviors exceed the limits of normality, until after they are confronted by their loved ones. It is not a coincidence that sexologist have been prescribing pornography as a medical treatment. Pornography viewing causes the human body to produce a full spectrum of chemicals. These chemicals, as any other drugs can be helpful if taken in small portions and harmful if the dosage is being abused.

It is often easier to understand addiction to as substance than to a behavior. The reality is that arousing or stimulating activities can be highly addictive for some according to how it affects their brain chemistry. Whereas drug and alcohol addictions can be defined as “a problematic relationships to a mood-altering substance,” sex addiction can be defined as “a problematic relationship to a mood altering experience” (Schneider,Weiss, p26)

“The Drug on the New Millennium"

In his book “The Drug on the New Millennium, the Brain Science Behind Internet Pornography Use” Mark B. Kastleman provides a very detail description of the process that take place inside a pornography viewer brain. But in order to understand these processes it is important to examine how the mechanism was design to work during the regular sexual intercourse. He describes the process as a going down the funnel, until the climax as reached. Once the climax is reached a couple slowly begins to emerge back to the reality.

The Narrowing Process of the Healthy Marriage

In a healthy marital relationship, sexual intimacy creates powerful physical, emotional, and chemical changes:

1. A Narrowing Process: At the top of the funnel the married couple enjoys a wide perspective of the world and the people around them. Then, as they become physically intimate, their brains begin to narrow in focus… climax is the most narrowly and powerfully focused singular event that the brain can engage in… in order to achieve this place, the brain must narrowly focus its attention and block out all distractions(work, the children, paying bills, etc)
2. The Release of Natural Chemicals: To aid … this narrowing process, the brain … begin releasing a flood of endogenous (meaning produced from within) chemicals… These natural chemicals include the following:
   1. Dopamine: Elevated levels of dopamine in the brain produce extremely focused attention…This chemical causes each spouse to focus intensely on the other at the exclusion of everything else around them… A release of dopamine is associated with craving and dependency in addiction, which may be why it can help produce a healthy attraction and dependency between the spouses…
   2. Norepinephrine: This chemical generates exhilaration and increased energy by giving the body a shot of natural adrenaline. Norepinephrine has also been linked to raising memory capacity. Whatever stimulus is being experienced in the presence of this chemical is “seared” in the brain. This helps explain how a couple in love can remember the smallest details of their beloved features…
   3. Testosterone: …Testosterone is known as the hormone of sexual desire in both man and women. For man, however, it is the key hormone of desire, triggering feeling of positive energy and well being…
   4. Oxytocin: … the flood of oxytocin at climax acts as natural tranquilizer, lowering blood pressure, blunting sensitivity to pain and stress, and inducing sleep.
   5. Serotonin: This natural chemical is released right after climax, bringing on deep feeling of calmness, satisfaction and release from stress. Anti-depressant drug like Prozac are design to increase levels of serotonin.
3. The Experience is More Than Just Physical: As husband and wife move down the funnel together, there is more to the experience than just chemicals released in the physical body… the mind; heart and spirit are all joined together…
4. A Climax of Many Things: … the final crescendo resents a culmination of all the things husband and wife have shared – doing the dishes, paying the bills, raising the children…all that … make up a marriage.

Just like in the marriage case, a pornography viewer goes through a similar process. The involved chemicals, however, producing a completely different result.

The Narrowing Process on Internet Porn

When an individual enters the funnel through the viewing of pornography, the physical and chemical processes are virtually identical to those in marital sexual intimacy, but with some radical differences …

1. A Narrowing Process: At the top of the funnel, before beginning to view pornography, the individual enjoys a wide perspective of the world. Pornography addicts … describe the top of the funnel as reality: their public self… Just as in the marriage funnel, the porn viewer begins blocking out distractions – but he is blocking out much more. He is alone. The object of his narrowing is … pornographic images. So along with work, paying bills, etc he also begins blocking out all thoughts of God, his marriage, family, morals, commitments and consequences…
2. The Release of Natural Chemicals: … the porn viewer’s brain… begins releasing endogenous chemicals. The viewer feels highly aroused… all of the stress, pressures, anxieties and pains in life begin fading away as his system is flooded with endogenous drugs… the viewer is able to self medicate and escape the reality of life…
   1. Dopamine: Elevated levels of dopamine in the brain produce extremely focused attention… this causes the viewer to focus intensely on the pornographic images at the exclusion of everything else around him…
   2. Norepinephrine: This chemical induces feeling of exhilaration and increased energy by giving the body a shot of natural adrenaline… Norepinephrine also increases memory capacity… this explains why porn addicts can recall the images seen with vivid clarity years later…
   3. Testosteron: Pornography triggers the release of testosterone which in result increases the desire for more pornography…
   4. Oxytocin: … oxitocine acts as a natural tranquilizer. The individual … seek oxytocin rush to cope with stress and pressure of life.
   5. Serotonin: This natural chemical released … evoking a deep feeling of calmness… individuals turn to porn to self-medicate and escape the stress…
3. The Experience is More Than Just Sexual: There is a lot more going on in the Pornography Funnel than sexual arousal. In fact, remove the sexual arousal from the process and any similarities to sexual intimacy in a healthy marriage cease… While sliding down the Pornography Funnel, a tidal wave of conflicting and confusing images and messages wash over viewer… visual images are stored as emotional memories in the brain before the logic center realize what has happened… when the logic brain catches up… and brings on a “fight or flight” type response. The adrenaline gland sends out cortisol, the “stress hormone,” which in turn activates myriad body-system process to counteract stress. In essence, the entire pornography process is intensified and supercharged, far beyond what sexual arousal alone would accomplish… The human system is not design to deal with this overwhelming level of conflicting stimulations… This is why many neuropsychologists … refer to pornography as “visual crack cocaine”…
4. An Empty and Hollow Climax: … When one uses pornography to reach climax, the brain desensitizes to the images, habituates to them, and eventually becomes bored. An increase in the variety of images and/or time spent on the Internet is required to maintain stimulation levels… In a healthy marriage relationship, sexual intimacy in only a part of everything else going on in the couple’s life… So when the couple “brings all of that into the bedroom” it is highly unlikely that the brain will habituate to the sexual process…
5. When Reality Returns – the Hopeless Dialogue: When the porn viewer emerges from the narrowest part of the funnel back to a wide perspective, the heartless “drug-high” of pornography and climax quickly dissipate. Suddenly his rational thinking returns and the hopeless dialogue begins: “What have I done? What was I thinking?” … he wasn’t thinking, that was the problem! Once he descends into the Pornography Funnel, he gives up his ability to “think.” The overpowering flood of chemicals overrides his cognitive thought and reasoning abilities. The frontal lobes – the logic center of the brain – are virtually shut down and the limbic system, which controls the pleasure/emotional center of the brain, takes over. (Kastleman, p39-57)

It is true that sexuality oppression can responsible for causing many psychological problems. However, it seems that in its effort to move away from potentially harmful believes of the past, the society moved to far in the opposite deprecation. Any extreme is dangerous. Hopefully the society will learn to recognize the new danger, and be able to find a healthy balance between the restrictions and acceptance of human sexuality. Until this understanding becomes a common knowledge, it is very important for individual families to be aware of possible effect of pornography; it no longer should be viewed as simple and harmless fun.

Bibliography:

1. Bedi, Puneet. The hypocrisy of marriage. Mumbai: India Today, 2008. 7 Dec. 2008 . An article describing problems of modern marriage.
2. Bender, David, Bruno Leone, and Carol Wekesser. Pornography Opposing Viewpoints. San Diego: Greenhaven Press Inc, 1997. Provides a collection of arguments of both pro and against pornography advocates.
3. Kastleman, Mark B. The Drug of the New Millennium. Salt Lake City: Power Think Publishing, 2007. An insight inside the chemical processes that take place inside porn addict’s brain. For more information visit Mark Kastleman's website.
4. Schneider, Jennifer, and Robert Weiss. Cybersex Exposed. Center City, MN: Hazelden , 2001. A self help guide for cybersex addicts.
5. Scott, George R. A History of Prostitution from Antiquity to the Present Day. New York: NY Medical Press, 1954. A historic insight into sexuality of different times and societies.

8 Symptoms of Sexual Addiction

There’s a point where one’s sex drive moves past healthy and crosses into the realm of addiction: urges spiral from intense to obsessive, and pursuits escalate from frequent to excessive

Cases of sexual addiction are actually more pervasive than many realize. But because there is no consensus yet in the medical community about what constitutes this compulsion, its symptoms remain a gray area.
With the different sets of diagnostic criteria floating around, here's a run-through of what professionals and organizations make of sexual addiction for now.

A vicious cycle

Most people associate sexual addiction with prostitution and extra-marital affairs. But there are a bunch of other behaviors — obsession with pornography and phone or cybersex, excessive masturbation, and repeated visits to strip clubs — that fall under the same category. It's not much the form the compulsion takes but how far the activity or practice is taken, along with its underlying causes.    

• Extreme escapism

In the same way that people take drugs to feel good and drink alcohol to cope with sadness, sexual addiction is essentially a coping mechanism. Those who are caught up in it use sex to avoid confronting a problem, to shake off a stressful event or to find relief from discomfort, boredom, depression or anxiety.

• Loss of control

What people who resort to sex later find out is that the activity they engaged in, while providing temporary euphoria, never actually gives them what they were looking for in the first place. Their problems remain. They don't get to relax. In fact, the feelings of discomfort just mount. So they indulge some more until they lose the ability to reasonably fight their urges.   

• Recurrent behavior

The need to act out is incessant; the behavior repetitive. Clinicians usually track occurrence from six months to a year. If the problem persists within this period, their diagnosis leans toward sexual addiction.   

• Escalating pattern

And it doesn't stop at the behavior becoming a bad habit to break. People with sexual addiction are inclined to increase the frequency and intensity of the activities they engage in. Those who gravitate toward soliciting sex, for instance, are likely to do so more often. Those in the middle of multiple affairs would search for additional sexual partners. Most even "branch out" in the process, resorting to pornography for quick fixes or going online in their quest for companions.
According to experts in the field, this upward spiral happens during the first few years of the addiction and eventually plateaus. This means the behavior continues but its frequency, intensity and scope is maintained at a certain level.

• Preoccupation

Mentally, addicts are consumed by thoughts of sex. They waste excessive time playing out fantasies in their heads, musing on past experiences and planning new and more elaborate ways to indulge themselves. 

• Skewed perspective

Sexual addiction is not just an evasive tactic gone wrong. Everything goes downhill once the cycle starts. New problems are created. Additional reasons for distress and anxiety come to surface. More unpleasant feelings — shame, isolation and guilt — crop up. And the thrill of it all turns out to be shallow and fleeting. There's only misery and emptiness. But addicts do not see it this way. Rather, they take the situation as a sign that their current actions are not as "effective" as before and decide instead to up their ante to bring back a false sense of euphoria and fulfillment.

• Risk-taking

Those who are determined to kick it up a notch often engage in practices with more serious repercussions. Health-wise, this pertains to unprotected sex either with prostitutes or multiple partners. 
A blatant disregard for the consequences of their actions is one of the major symptoms of sexual compulsion. Most addicts are fully aware of the risk factors but choose to ignore them. And it's not just their personal well-being in jeopardy. Often, they are careless with their finances, career and relationships as well.

• Failure to stop

People with sexual addiction reach a point where they realize the predicament they're stuck in. Yes, most of them are stuck. They try to stop or reduce their compulsions but ultimately fail. The desire and intention to quit is real. But the follow-through effort comes up short and they never quite get there on their own, no matter how many repeated attempts at withdrawal they prepare for.


The bigger picture

The symptoms of sexual addiction are not limited to those that define a compulsive behavior. Looking at how it affects the person and those surrounding him or her is also vital to getting a complete picture of the situation.

• Accompanying addiction

It's pretty common for a sex addict to jump into drug or alcohol abuse to deal with heightened anxiety. Some tread into dangerous waters for the extra thrill. Others do so because they, in reality, gain little to no satisfaction from sex.

• Health threats

Addicts are more prone to sexually transmitted diseases depending on how far they take their urges. Many suffer exhaustion due to the unnecessary strain they put on their body in pursuit of certain activities. Others simply forget to monitor their health because of their preoccupation with sex. 

• Social withdrawal

To keep appearances, addicts become increasingly secretive. A number isolate themselves, giving up their social life to protect their obsession. It also becomes harder to form genuine connections with people they meet, as most of their interactions are to an extent sexually motivated.

• Irresponsibility

An addict's office, school and domestic affairs suffer as well. With their attention focused on sexual pursuits, academic and work obligations take a backseat. Some get too caught up to care for his or her family. There are even cases where loved ones are forced to live hand-to-mouth because household funds have been depleted, with an inordinate amount of money allocated for addiction-related expenditures. 

• Broken bonds

Entangled in their obsession, addicts are unable to sustain relationships. Relationships are often bound to falter, especially when betrayal is factored in. 

• Potential harm

In a few unfortunate cases, abuse and violence become part of the equation. Note, however, that this rarely happens. While there are addicts that become stalkers, voyeurs, exhibitionists and sexual predators, an overwhelming majority are able to get the help they need and recover completely.
Diagnosing sexual addiction is not based on a single indicator but rather on a group of symptoms. And even then, the signs vary for each person and develop in stages over time.

But in most circumstances, the cycle begins with using sex repeatedly and at an increasing frequency to escape or cope. The urge becomes too much to control that addicts act on it regardless of the accompanying negative consequences. Their obsession and compulsions get out of hand, impairing their everyday life in more ways than one.  

On the whole, characterizing sexual addiction is necessary to understanding how to overcome it. Plus, it's an unfamiliar territory for most, so a degree of awareness is definitely key.

Congressman David Wu is a Sex Addict

BBC.com reports that congressman David Wu has announced that he is resigning due to yet another sex scandal allegation. Congressman Wu is 56 years old, currently going through divorced and allegedly had a sexual relationship with an 18 year old girl, a daughter of his childhood friend and major campaign contributor.

This announcement makes him 3rd congressmen to resign due to sex scandals in 2011. It is also interesting to note that the other two congressmen have resigned due to scandals that involved forms of online or cyber sex.

It is unclear how long our society will remain in denial about the reality of sex addiction. Meanwhile innocent people (such as citizens of Oregon in this case) will continue to get hurt.

Recovery Email 9

Today I wanted to share a very inspiring quote with you and announce new “Porn Harms” national awareness campaign.

One of your forum member TheFlyingPickle posted the following. I find this quote to be truly inspirational and describing just the right mindset needed to overcome addiction or make any other change in one’s life. You can read the full post here: http://feedtherightwolf.nfshost.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=841

"Do what needs to be done."
-Rhadi Ferguson, Judo champion.

He was asked "How do you stay motivated at such a high level?"

His reply:

People often let their psychological disposition affect their physiological disposition. Meaning, oftentimes you will not work out, not have a productive workout, simply not do what you are capable of or refuse to do what you know you should. I found at an early stage in the game that as an athlete you have to disconnect your justifications from your doings. Basically, champions do what they know they should. They do what needs to be done when it needs to be done - period.

The way I stay motivated is that I DON'T get motivated. The word motivation comes from the French word motif or the Latin word Motivus. It is defined as, "an emotion, desire or physiological need, or similar impulse that acts as an incitement to action." I don't move, act, train or live on motivation. I train and live based on intent.

Intent is, "Having the mind and will focused on a specific purpose." So when I hit the gym for example, I wouldn't dare say that I am motivated on being a champion. I say I intend on being a champion. Champions don't operate based on motivation; they operate based on purpose.

Champions do things champions do. That doesn't take motivation. That is the difference between motivation and intent. The Olympic creed states, "The most important thing in the Olympic games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing in life is to have fought well." You can not compete well and fight well if you expect to operate based on hope or motivation. You can only compete and fight well if you intend to do so, and make a choice regardless of your emotional disposition. I am a 2004 Olympian and a four time World Judo Champion. Why? Because I understand the power of intent.

Also in the news, our friends at www.PornHarms.com are lunching a 4 week long nation wide pornography awareness campaign. Some of the events they are having are:

Mon, 7/11 2pm EDT - Live Online Conference: Perspectives from addicts and the spouse. Watch LIVE and participate on Facebook.

Tue, 7/12 11am EDT and 9pm EDT - Web and Call Presentation: 5 Hidden Dangers Facing You and Your Family Right Now. Register at CovenantEyes.com/Webinar or call 989 720 8088

Thur, 7/14 4pm EDT - Live Online Conference: Tools to Overcome Pornography Addiction. Watch LIVE and participate on Facebook.

Thur, 7/14 9:00pm EDT - Webinar - Overcoming Sex Addiction: Learning the difference between fantasy and positive relationships.Email elizabeth@pornharms.com for call info. FREE subscriptions to Candeo addiction recovery program will be given out during the event.

Fri, 7/15 All Day - Twitter Chat: Facts & Answers on Porn Addiction in 140 Characters. Just tweet using #pornaddiction at the end of your tweet.

Sun, 7/17 9pm EDT - Online Movie Screening: Out of Darkness. The incredible true story of Shelley Lubben and her journey from a life in the pornography industry to a life fighting against them. Watch right on Facebook!

You can learned more about the event here: http://www.pornharms.com/beaware/ . Please try to spread the word if you can .

I was asked to participate on twitter discussion on Friday 7/15 and I invite you to join us as well if you have a twitter account. Simply add #pornaddiciton at the end of your tweet. You can find me on twitter @feedrightwolf

That is all I got for now. I hope you are doing well. If you find yourself in need of inspiration or if you simply feel like you need to talk to somebody make sure to check out our forum: http://forum.feedtherightwolf.org

May you have a sober and peaceful day!
Alex

Thank You - Recovery Email 8

Today I went to an SAA meeting and got to hear a friend of mine presenting his “first step”. First step is a terminology used to describe the first step of Sex Addicts Anonymous which reads “We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior - that our lives had become unmanageable”. The first step tradition of SAA is to have the members write out their sexual history and examples of how progressively out of control their behaviors got. You can read more about the first step presentation here: http://www.sexaa.org/SAALiterature/English/FirstStepGuide/

This might sound a little rough, but it has a huge therapeutically benefit. First of all it forces the presenter to really take an honest look at his or her life, and realize just how much damage has been done.

Secondly, it is a very scary thing to do. Most of the sex addicts spend their lives believing that if somebody every found out about the nature of their behavior they would never talk to them again. So imagine how it would feel to sit down in front of 10-20 people and tell them everything, and I mean EVERYTHING that you’ve ever done. You know what happens next? People simply relate to you. Why? Because most of them had very similar experiences.

I remember my first step. It was one of the scariest things that I’ve ever done. At the same time it felt so good to finally get it all out. I felt like the weight was lifted of my shoulder. And the most surprising thing was that not only people did not stop to like me, it seemed that they started to like me more.

Listening to my friend today was a good remind of how sad and out of control my life used to be. It also was a good reminder of how much I love sobriety and the feeling of (relative) serenity and peace that it brings into my life.

It also reminded me how much I love FeedTheRightWolf.org. When I started this blog a little over 2 years ago, I couldn’t, in my wildest dreams, expect it to become such a great recovery spot on the internet as it has become. And I have nothing to do with it. It is all thanks to you and people like you who are participating in our common journey!

And our forum? I am so proud of our forum! I’ve been participating in many online forums over the years, but I have never came across such loving and carrying group of people before.

If you haven’t been following it, I highly suggest you pay it a visit. There is so much good stuff and love that flows through those pages, I couldn’t possibly express it all in here.

I wanted to give special thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Absolution, Mrs. Anon, Big Al, Dpacrepantance,  RightWolf, SadMax, Sami, Nick123, Xenon and many others. You guys are the best! Thank you so much for all your love, care, and support!

May God Bless You All!

Alex

Message to Rep. Weiner about his Sex Addiction - I Understand

Hello Mr. Weiner,

Today your life has turned upside down. Your relationship has been dealt a mighty blow and your political careers is probably ruined.

But I believe that one day you will look back on today as the day of your liberation. Today was the day when you were forced to break through the denial about your problem. Mr. Weiner, you are a sex addict and it is okay.

You are surely not alone. You are following alongside such politicians and celebrities as Bill Clinton, John Edwards, and Tiger Woods.But most importantly, you are following millions of other men and women who suffer with this problem alone.

Our society is in denial about the powerful energy that human sexuality is. We all were lead to believe that it is easy for men and women to do the right thing, given that they are willing to do so. As you found out through your own experience, it is not always the case.

Some people might not understand why would a successful politician engage in such activities as phone and video sex, but I understand. It is not easy trying to be perfect. It is not easy driving yourself to succeed, and at it not always easy doing the right thing.

Somewhere along the way you've probably developed a believe that sexual encounters over the internet were a healthy way for you to relax . You probably told yourself that internet was just a fantasy and that it would never effect the real life or hurt real people. I believe today you found out those statements to be false.

The truth is that slowly, through indulging in your bad habit, you lost touch with reality. You began doing more and more of it, slowly pushing the boundaries, until you got to the point where you no longer were able to make rational decision and made the biggest mistake of your life.

What it means for you, however, is a beginning of a new life. A life free of compulsion and dirty secrets. You might lose your job, but you will gain back your freedom. Empowered with realization of just how out of control your life got, you will be able to seek and receive help.

Over time you will slowly begin to unlearn some of your destructive habits. Over time your wife will learn to trust you again. Over time you will gain a new level of emotional maturity and be able to look at yourself in the mirror knowing that you might not be perfect, but that you are doing your best.

Welcome to the club Mr. Weiner. Our club of sex addicts in recovery may not be big, but it is growing. Join us, walk with us, and may be one day lead us. Your story may serve as a proof to the rest of the world of just how powerful sex addiction really is.

Get $20 Amazon Gift Card !

I’ve been thinking of a way to reward our members who continuously contribute on our forum. That is when I came up with the following idea.

Post 20 post on our forum anytime in June, and get $20 Amazon gift card.

Now I understand that $20 is not a lot of money. I view it more like an equivalent of a T-shirt that you could win at a gym after putting in x-number of hours working out.

The rules are:

• Only quality post count, saying something like “that’s nice” will not do it. Generally anything longer than a paragraph will be considered a quality post.
• You can start new threads or participate in conversations started by others.
• All posts should be recovery related.

That is it. When you’ve posted your 20 posts, simply email me at feedrightwolf@gmail.com and let me know that you are done. I will send you your gift card within a week.

I recommend that you use the gift card to buy recovery resources, but the money is yours, and you will, of course, be free to do with it as you pleased.

Please let me know if you have any question.

Thanks,
Alex

I Had a Slip - Recovery Email 7

About 3 weeks ago I had a slip. Let me tell you what happened.

Honestly, looking back I should have recognized that something was wrong at least a couple of days in advance. But I got too over confident and was too busy with my work and school to pay attention. It was the end of semester for me, and I was pushing myself really hard to try to finish all of my projects in a little amount of time that I had left after my work.

Eventually I noticed myself experience a slight increase of sexual desires, but I brushed it off as something not to be concerned about. After all I was coming up on 11 month of sobriety and had very clear and effortless 3 months under my belt with unrestricted internet access on my work computer, and I just did not feel like I was in danger of acting out. I thought I would habitually stop myself before I cross the line.

So there I was sitting on my computer, working on one of my projects when a though came across that I needed to take a break. So I decided to take a healthy break, and was looking at a blog post that had a collection of travel pictures from around the world. I looked at few countries in Asia and Europe, and they were beautiful, but I just "FELT" like it wasn't enough.

That is when a thought came into my head: "This is boring, let’s see if I can find something sexual in here". I quickly searched through the titles and found one post copied from National Geographic featuring a tribe in Africa. I opened that post, and noticed that there were 3 women on it, with their backs towards the camera, but they were not fully dressed. Perhaps if I were to click back at this point, I would not have called this event a slip. But my next though came in to be "Well, maybe there rest of the pictures will have clothes on, it wouldn't hurt to look"(LIE). So I scroll down and saw few more pictures, and the last one that I saw had complete frontal nudity, and I definitely knew that I've crossed the line. Over the entire entire incident took about 10 seconds.

What came after for me were feelings of guilt and confusion. I struggled to understand what have happened. It took me a few weeks to fully allow the event to fully sink into my head and to distance myself far enough from it to be able to look at it objectively.

But there was another feeling that came with it, and that was feeling of joy. And that joy was not a result of what happened or what I saw, the joy was part of realization that I would have to tell all of the readers of http://FeedTheRightWolf.org about it. The reason that I was happy to tell everybody about my slip is because I viewed it as an opportunity to start over.

When I first started http://FeedTheRightWolf.org I was not getting any visitors. Now I understand that this was just a result of me having very little content on the site. But back then I thought that it was because I wasn't doing a good job "selling" recovery.
So I thought that if I make things sound a little bit more like other websites do, I will be able to get people to read what I had to say. As a result something very unfortunate happened. While I honestly shared all of the positive things that I learned about recovery, I was not completely transparent about some of the personal struggles that I had.

This approach was putting a huge limiting block on my own recovery, and my own experience with http://FeedTheRightWolf.org , after all, the real purpose for this site was to help me with my own recovery. And I only hoped that my own experience might help some other people as well.

Additionally, I believe that because I kept throwing a phrases like "It's now been 2 years since I watched pornography or masturbated" all over the site, but did not take the time to explain what it meant to me, it gave a lot of people an unrealistic expectation of what recovery would be like. So let me clarify my progress. And let me tell you that it has not all been black and white as I’ve made it sound before.

It has been 5.5 years, since I had any sexual physical contact with any person other than the one that I am in relationship with. It has been 2.5 years since I masturbated. It’s been 2.5 years since I watch hard core pornography involving two people engaging in a sexual act. It’s been 2 years since I purposely watched nude videos for extended period of time. For the rest of the time I would have minor slips, where I would find myself looking at nude photography (or video on 2 occasions) with lustful intentions on rare occasions (1-3 months).My second longest period of continuing sobriety was 8 months. My last period of ongoing sobriety was 11 months, until the incident that I described earlier which happened about 3 weeks ago.

So what did I learn from my recovery? I learned that I am not perfect. When I started out, I thought that I will magically find a way to change my cravings and desires, and will fix myself, and then I will fix the rest of the world.

What I found out, however, that it wasn't that simple. I came with a certain piece of hardware, my emotional brain, which I just would not be able to get rid of. This is actually a good thing because without it I wouldn't be alive. But as any other complicated hardware, it came with additional responsibility. So for the most part of my recovery I was trying to learn to use my body in a way that was less damaging to me and others around me.

Did I get completely free of any sexual compulsion? No. Did I make and continue to make progress? Yes.

I really liked the leveled definition of pornography addiction as proposed by Dr. Skinner in his book "Treating Pornography Addiction".

Level 1. Mild exposure – once or twice a year, no effect on regular life.

Level 2. Pornography use does not indicate addiction – occasionally looking at pornography with increased interest.

Level 3. Signs of trouble – person looks few times a month, usually tries to avoid it, but occasionally urges get so strong that it cannot be controlled, and person gives in.

Level 4. Individual notices increased sexual fantasies, and attempts to control them, which results in stronger withdrawal symptoms.

Level 5. Pornography impacting day to day living with significant portion of the day spent thinking about pornography.

Level 6. Pornography dominates most of the day to day life, affecting work, school, and personal relationships.

Level 7. Pornography and acting out consumes most of individuals time, leaving him feeling completely out of control.

When I first got into recovery, I was at level 6 or may be even at level 7 of pornography addiction. I slowly worked my way down the levels, and while my recovery has not been perfect, I have spent my last year at level 1, and the year before that at level 2.

So I hope I did not mislead you with my blog. And if I did, I sincerely apologize and I hope you can forgive me.

I will understand if you will choose to stop following http://FeedTheRightWolf.org and or unsubscribe from our Recovery Email.

After all I cannot give sway something that I don’t have.

But if you are going to stick around, watch out for my next email in a couple of days. I am going to announce a challenge, where you could (very easily) get a $20 Amazon gift card. Stay healthy until than!

Your friend in recovery,
Alex

Great News Inside - Recovery Email 6

First I want to share some great news with you. Candeo Can has changed their signup policy from 6 month commitment to pay as you go program. So if you’ve been considering giving this program a try I suggest doing it now before they change their minds :)

Take Me There

Second, we had some great posts on our forum. Special thanks to our constant contributors RightWolf, AA, Absolution, LucasM and many others.

There is one post, however, that I wanted to share with you today. It is unfortunate that when I created http://www.feedtherightwolf.org I used some language that has made me sound like an “expert” which I am not. (I plan to work on changing that after this semester is over. And I am always welcoming your suggestions.)

The reason that I wanted to create this site and share some of my techniques is because a.) I wanted to help myself better learn them, and b.) wanted to have this resource available to others as a supplement to all other great programs available.

ERP or anything else is not a magic bullet, and I am not an expert in anything recovery related. I am juts one person trying to do my best. One day at a time.

That is why I want to share the following post with you. I believe it really drives home what I’ve just said above.

MrResurreccion writes: http://feedtherightwolf.nfshost.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=405

"One Technique is not Enough!"

It is very important to realize that Alex's recovery course fits his lifestyle and his Pornography addiction.
Many of you found it helpful and continue to see the fruits of his recovery manifest in your own lives.
However, for me I think I will need to personalize the experience more.

Alex's course was first of all amazing help for me. He really did break an opening into the understanding of my addiction
and in Renewing my mind. Along with the Free Candeo Podcasts (which I highly suggest you download from iTunes)
I was able to first get an understanding about how this addiction worked and how my brain can be re-molded and transformed.

However... using Alex's version of ERP did not help me after many months of practicing it in his way.
You see for me I suffered from Pornography of the mind more than the computer. Since I was young my imagination
has always been very strong. And I never really needed to rely on Visual Pornography. Intense thoughts and imaginations
would effect me in such a way that I myself could not control the urge to masturbate 4 to 5 times a day. Even now I feel
triggered just writing about this ._.\/ The computer Pornography was never really the problem, however, it has at times fueled my way of thinking and addiction. I have dealt with Visual pornography, however, every time I break loose from it, I would just end up going back to the very destructive habit of imagining intense sexual fantasies and masturbating to those thoughts.

...which was horrible. I missed class and school because I was depressed. I couldn't deal with my homework... because any type of alone time or boredom would immediately kick in my trigger. AND.. I had been training my subconscious mind to automatically see women and people a certain way. My relationships were affected by distance, and my mind was full of confusion and anxiety.

Unlike normal drugs, Porneia = sexual Immorality, doesn't destroy the body as much as it destroys the mind.
Proverbs 23:7 writes that "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he..."

why do I bring this up... well because I wanted to show you that although I was wasn't addicted to the Visual Pornography...The Pornography of my Mind acted the same way!

We all have personalized addictions. Although they affect our lives in almost the same way.

Depression. Bondage. Separation. and Distance.

Starting today I'm going to start personalizing my recovery process, and sharing some of the different methods I will be using in the next 30 days. Asides from sharing my daily progress, I will also share why some parts of Alex's method didn't work for me, and why others did work for me. Journaling online with many of you I hope we can share our experiences with each other and hopefully bring an end to this distasteful and addictive drug of the new millennium.

-Your's in Christ.
Jerome.

P.S. Now that Candeo has a 47$ per month no commitment policy (which is highly exciting, since I can finally afford their program!)
I will also share my experiences with that! My Prayers are with all of you guys! Especially you Alex!
Keep up the great work!

Last but not least here is some 12 step wisdom for you:

“Sex or Porn addiction is like SPIRITUAL CANCER, acting out will weaken your spiritual life.”

“This is not about recovery from Sex Addiction. This is about recovery from Life.”

“12 step program is not an ultimate solution. Program works because it is a game that we play. It is a great game with a lot of rules, and if we play it well, it works for us.”

“Repression of sexuality is a flip side of same coin. I learn to love myself and my body the way it is.”

“When you find that you can’t relate to others, listen to their feelings, not details of acting out.”

“It took me 52 years to get here, so I guess I won’t be out of here in 6 months.”

“We are not weak for being here. It’s the stronger ones who come into these rooms. Because it is really scary, especially in the beginning.”

“Trust in God and his unconditional love. God will provide.”

Have a great sober day!

Sex Addiction Rehabs - Overview of 8 US Treatment Centers for Sex Addiction

Not many realize that compulsive sexual behavior can be an addiction, and that people struggling with such need help. But as high-profile celebrities and athletes admit to seeking treatment for this problem, interest in the facilities that provide the service has spiked.

There are a lot of options out there, but finding a program that suits your needs can be overwhelming. To get you started on the right track, here’s a quick guide to some of the prominent sex addiction treatment centers in the United States.

Sexual Recovery Institute

The Sexual Recovery Institute is one of the few outpatient therapy centers dedicated solely to sexual addiction. It was founded in 1995 by Robert Weiss, an acknowledged writer and professional in the field (he’s appeared in The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live and the Discovery Channel, to name just a few). Weiss trained under the wings of the renowned Dr. Patrick Carnes and was once a board member and committee chair of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health. His pool of therapists holds either master’s or doctoral degrees in counseling, psychology and social work, among other disciplines.

The services at SRI are as varied as it gets. Ideal for those residing in California or nearby, the recovery program starts with individual treatment sessions for a minimum of six to eight weeks. With the evaluation and treatment plan finalized, patients progress to group therapies. The 2-hour group sessions are held weekly, with 6 to 7 other participants, and will span nine months at the least. Participant couples can advance to a special healing and recovery group for eight 2-hour sessions per week. Spouses and partners of patients may also attend a weekly education program followed by support group meetings.

SRI also administers intensive five- and 10-day programs packed with daily therapies for those visiting the center. The "quick fix" provided by the former suits those who struggle with relatively manageable addictions. Cases that are more serious and require family involvement are tackled in the 10-day program. For immediate concerns, there’s the option of having two to four sessions over the phone, where assistance is limited to directing the caller to local resources that can provide more extensive support.

A unique component to the SRI program lineup is its Non-Violent Offender Treatment. The program lasts nine months to 2 years depending on the patient's needs. It is crafted to identify and eliminate triggers and patterns, institute changes, teach empathy and send patients on a path of recovery.

On top of all that, SRI conducts multimedia training seminars to guide agencies and organizations in their program development initiatives.

The Meadows Dakota

Backed by more than 35 years of experience, The Meadows is one of the most reputable addiction treatment centers in the United States, with support for sexual addiction and trauma provided by its in-patient facility in Dakota. This private, relaxing sanctuary can accommodate up to nine patients at a time.

The Meadows has built its credibility thanks in large part to referrals from alumni, therapists, medical practitioners and other facilities. And much of this praise points to the center’s intensive therapy approach. The program involves at least 15 treatment modalities, with trauma resolution, 12-step meetings and holistic healing at the core. Geared toward lifelong recovery, it goes beyond symptoms to address the fundamental problems patients are facing.

What makes The Meadows’ treatment plan even more compelling is that is based on input from world-famous experts (and authors). Maureen Canning, director of the Dakota facility, is a former board member of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health and was once president of the Arizona Council on Sexual Addiction. She is also a lecturer, level II MDR-trained therapist and certified hypnotherapist. The center’s two consultants, Pia Mellody and Peter Levine, are leading authorities in the field. In fact, Levine developed the natural approach of somatic experiencing.

Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services

Pine Grove was set up in 1984 as an in-patient treatment facility for adults. Since then, the Mississippi-based center has expanded to become one of the nation’s premiere campuses for psychiatric and addictive disorders. Reputed for the quality and breadth of its services, Pine Grove now offers in-patient, outpatient and residential care, and caters to adults, adolescents and even children.

Pine Grove’s sexual-addiction treatment program, Gentle Path, is carried out in a campus a few miles from the main facility. Dr. Patrick Carnes, an internationally recognized guru in the field, came up with the Gentle Path curriculum based on a 30-task model that emphasizes both individualized attention and group participation. The program starts off with a day or two of comprehensive evaluation followed by a six-week intensive treatment plan. It is gender-specific and includes individual and group therapies, and psycho-education. Patients diagnosed with other disorders are treated simultaneously. On top of all this, Pine Grove throws in a one-week Family Care Program and aftercare services. The entire process is facilitated by a multidisciplinary staff consisting of masters or doctoral-level trained clinicians and physicians certified by the American Society of Addiction Medicine.

Santé Center for Healing

The Santé Center for Healing first opened its doors in 1996, led by the brother-and-sister team of Deb and Rip Corley. Currently, it caters to individuals suffering from addictions, eating disorders and behavioral health issues.

For sex addicts, the Santé Center offers residential care and outpatient support. The program begins with an in-depth assessment to pinpoint needs and issues that will be addressed in the personalized treatment plan. Any co-occurring disorders that turn up will be treated simultaneously. Various requirements are laid down for recovery, including formulation of abstinence contract, psycho-education sessions, gender-specific therapy groups, and skill-building and relapse prevention courses. Another plus factor: all the in-house staff is trained in trauma resolution techniques, and motivational enhancement and dialectical behavior therapies.

KeyStone Center Extended Care Unit

The KeyStone Center is an expansive dually licensed facility for multiple types of addiction. At its Extended Care Unit, the focus is on sexual compulsivity and trauma. Founded in 1994 by Patrick Carnes, one of the most recognized experts in the field. The 16-bed ECU is housed in a Victorian mansion in suburban Philadelphia. This huge stone manor with stained glass windows and mahogany wainscoting was once a family home. The management has not added any amenities since.

The ECU environment is austere, the recovery program intense. Residents have daily household chores. For the actual treatment, there are activities lined up for each day of the week. Much of the time is spent on group therapies, which Carnes found effective in helping patients cope with inner struggles. Other requirements include individual counseling sessions and 12-step meetings. The minimum length of stay is four weeks.

To facilitate the healing process, the ECU also organizes an alumni weekend around fall each year. Through this gathering, graduates of the program get to celebrate their sobriety, share their experiences and participate in free workshops.

While it specializes in in-patient treatment, the ECU also offers an outpatient service via the Professional Assessment Center. The PAC is designed mainly for those facing sanctions due to a sexual offense determine if their behaviors fall in the realm of addiction.

Life Healing Center

The Life Healing Center provides in-depth, individualized treatment for sex, love and relationship addiction. Founded in 1993, it operates a residential facility in the hills of Santa Fe, Mexico.

Recovery at the Life Healing Center occurs in two phases. The first stage gets rid of outward manifestations via a structured program, controlled environment and external support. The second examines underlying causes, paving the way for long-term sobriety. The actual treatment plan is carried out in a gender-specific manner. The men’s program is patterned from Dr. Patrick Carnes’ Recovery Start Kit, with emphasis on the healing cycle. The women’s program follows the same basic principles but is tweaked to address the emotional and cultural challenges that affect specifically the female population. The set-up is quite refreshing considering that traditional sex addiction therapies were crafted for and conducted by men. Plus, an all-female environment (from the patients to the staff) better fosters interaction and consequently healing.

With the patient’s consent, the Life Healing Center can administer a family program as well. At the beginning, the program facilitates communication via phone. For the culmination, spouses, partners or relatives are invited to join patients for a multi-day experience on site.

Sierra Tucson

Founded in 1983, Sierra Tucson is licensed as a psychiatric hospital and as a behavioral health residential treatment center. Surrounded by a desert landscape and panoramic mountain, this 160-acre campus has an amenity-filled complex with recreational and fitness resources and walking trails. In its 139-bed living quarters, you’ll find rustic yet elegant lodges with a cozy lounge area, high ceilings, balconies and patios.

While the facility itself is inviting, the main draw to Sierra Tucson is its Program for Sexual and Trauma Recovery. PSTR reinforces a sense of community among patients with weekly group sessions that instill compassion, support and acceptance. Amid this, the staff remains attentive to the development of each participant, preparing individualized assignments and readings and even personalized nutrition and exercise plans. Plus, Sierra Tucson has a Family Program and Couple’s Workshop in place. These educational and therapeutic opportunities allow both parties to sort out their issues and establish an effective support system.

Candeo Can 

Candeo Can  is an online service designed for individuals looking for a flexible and affordable treatment program. At just $47 per month, you get everything you need to cope with sexual addition struggles on a private website. The program revolves around multimedia video training and accompanying interactive exercises. The first part of the training educates patients about their situation and how they can manage it via Candeo's work on the Human Decision System, which enables participants to better control their urges. The second half delves more into the why's and how's. Plus, there’s a personal dashboard that contains crisis and setback tools, a calendar and some journal space to facilitate recovery.

Each participant is assigned a coach to guide them through the treatment and track their progress. Candeo has also developed a complementary support and training program for loved ones who want to share in on the experience. An online discussion forum is accessible to those wanting to share stories and help others out. 

On the whole, the Candeo platform lets participants manage their own pace of recovery from the comforts of their own home. And more importantly, the site promises to maintain the subscriber’s anonymity (no requirement to submit one’s name).

The services offered by sex addiction treatment centers vary in more ways than one. So finding a program that matches your needs is key. It is important to consider the types of therapies available, the set up in place, and the philosophy being followed. But remember the facility and its staff can only set you on path – effectively completing the road to recovery is all up to you.

Recovery Email 5

I apologize for being a little more quiet than usual. As I mentioned before, I take two graduate courses while working full time and it is very challenging on my schedule.

As much as I love interacting with people in recovery, I simply don’t have enough energy to dedicate to this site. I do my best to work on my own program of recovery by going to 12 step meetings, following through with my morning practice, and making phone calls.

But writing on this forum, is more of a hobby for me. Something that I do if and when I have time. I do want to share more, but I just can’t afford to dedicate any serious amount of time to this effort, which leads me to my next point:

Paying for Recovery

Those of you who’ve read my story know, that my sole purpose for starting feed the right wolf was to provide quality and free resource for people struggling with pornography addiction.

When I first got into recovery myself, I was not willing to pay for any recovery programs. I felt cheated and betrayed because the few people who seemed to be providing help for this problem, were charging money. I felt like I was being ripped off, and felt very angry.

Eventually, I did sign up for Candeo Can, which was about $300-$400 at the time, if I am not mistaking. It was a lot of money for me, but I was too desperate for help. I was just getting off 1 month of successful ERP practice, and felt like I needed an extra push. So I gave in and bought the program.

Looking back, I think the best part about Candeo Can was it’s high price. Not because I like to spend money, but because knowing that I’ve spend so much money on it forced me to actually take all of the exercises seriously.

I believe they now charge $47 per month, with a  6 month commitment. And I’ve seen people complain about its being too expensive. What people don’t realize is that you really do get what you pay for. One visit with any decent psychologist would cost you at least $70 in United States. For a little more than half of that, Candeo provides a full access to professionally recorded video courses created by two Ph. D’s - experts in dealing with pornography addiction.

Additionally, every person get a personal mentor, who emails them at least once a week, more if person is willing to communicate. Honestly, I don’t even know how Candeo people are able to make the profit. Lets say the mentor earns 15$ per hour, a very modest income in United States, and lets say this person emails a student 4 times a month for 30 minutes each. That alone will add up to $30 per month. And then they have to pay bills for storing their website, their office, and salaries for all the people who support the company. If you add all of that up, $47 per month would not seem this much anymore.

That being said, I do not think that you or anybody else needs to spend money in order to recover. There is enough free help available. I believe in feed the right wolf.org. I believe in 12 steps of recovery. I believe in other free resources.

But I also believe that people who do have money and can afford to spend it on recovery are missing out by not using all of the opportunities available to them.

I remember one night before I got into recovery I’ve spent $400 in strip club. On another night I’ve spend close to $200 on sexual video chat. Yet it took me over a year to get myself to pay $300 for 6 month worth of recovery material. Isn’t that ridiculous?

You should also know that if you sign up for Candeo Can through one of the links on feedtherightwolf.org Candeo will pay us back some of that money as an advertising fee. Therefore, if you do decide to sign up for this program, you can support our site by using one of our links. It will not cost you a penny extra.

That being said, I want to be 100% transparent with you. I recommend Candeo Can because it is a good program which can provide something that I cannot, not because I am trying to make some quick money.

If you don’t feel like this arrangement is fair, I encourage you to sign up without using the affiliate link. You can simply google Candeo Can or use this link, and I will not get paid for it.

Our Member Write:

Forum: http://feedtherightwolf.nfshost.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=340

Hi everybody,

I am a 28 yo male, working part time studying full time in a respected college. Almost like anyone else, I have found this website after I gave in on Wednesday 4/20. I have been trying to quit this for a few times already. I usually stay away from it for a couple of months and when I feel pressured from studies and the school work added to the uncertainties, I give myself in. The end result is devastating for me.

It does not only mass up my time management, or delay on an assignment, it does zero my motivation, which is the most important thing that one suppose to carry on every single day. It also violates my principles and values that matter so much to me that I hope to pass on to my children. For example, I respect women. Yes, I was thought to respect everyone, especially women. I was taught to treat people around me with good attitude. This is not what's happening after several hrs of viewing porn.

Not only does it alter the motivation, It also affects one's intelligence. As I said, I 'used to' relapse every several weeks but when it happens, I continually stay on it for a good 7-8 hrs. Towards the end of it, I feel drained, I don't feel me anymore, can't find meaning in my self, can't see pride in me when I look in the mirror.

Most importantly, I feel that my brain is shrinking. It really feels hurt. The next couple of days, I tend to have disorganized thoughts, make grammar and pronunciation mistakes. Although I am a foreigner, English is my second language, I usually have a few pronunciation mistakes when I continuously talk during a conversation. After Porn, mistakes increase exponentially.

Despite the fact that I was in recovery, I knew I would not be able to put a good work, I chose to sit down and study. During my studies, I felt refreshing. Unlike the feeling of shrinking of my brain, I felt the opposite, together with a headache of course. It may sound funny but this is how it feels. It also brought back some motivation. After two days, I am feeling much better, I don't see any images when I close my eyes. So my conclusion is that it may help your brain to get better, if you engage yourself with some other irrelevant thing than what you have exhausted your brain with.

Few years ago, I have quit smoking cigarette after trying five times. Every time it would take few days or a week, and I would begin again. At the end, I took an advise from a person and implemented it. If you reach 30 days without a single cigarette, you may not be clean of it but the urge to have one will decrease dramatically. This is exactly the same thing Alex was talking about about in one of the sections for prevention of relapses. The bell curve. If the urge to go for porn or cigarette is so high that you can't focus on anything else, you should know that you are at the top of that curve. Tough. I used to give myself 20 min and used to notice that the urge would fade away. Every time it happened and I won, I gained confidence then all I knew was that myself was the winner against my other self. Another words, I fed the right wolf.

Today is 4/22/11. Two days after my attempt to permanently restrain from any kind of sensual, or sexual image on internet. I will be posting on my progess and share with you my feelings. I believe this is about motivation, courageousness, and determination. If we reached to this point-seeking a solution, we must realize that we all have these credentials to succeed living an absolute pornography free life.

Take care.
Rugzo.

Blog Comments: http://www.feedtherightwolf.org/2010/11/brain-chemicals-in-healthy-sexual-act.html

I am a severe addict of porn for last 15 years. I lost my career because of porn. My life is in vain. I have been living always alone in a single room which compels me to watch porn. I have come to a stage that I cannot live without watching porn and masturbation. Nowadays I think of committing suicide since I come to the conclusion that I can never escape from this dangerous habit. All my precious life time has simply gone wasted in watching useless porn. But I am too late to realize this. My brain is completely damaged by this habit. I have lost all my hopes of getting rid of this habit. I tried many times and failed to abstain from porn and masturbation. I dont know why I am living with this f**king habit. Today I came across this website and I have started reading this. Hope it will be helpful to me.

Thank you for reading, and I’ll check back in with you soon!

Your friend in recovery,

Alex

Interview with Jason Dean Counselor and Author of Quit Porn Addiction and Porn Game Over

Jason Dean is a counselor who specializes in assisting people with addiction or compulsive behavior problems. He is author of www.quitpornaddiction.com and www.porngameover.com

What was it like before you realized that you had a problem with pornography?

I haven't had the anxiety and personal fallout that some people experience through problem porn use, but I have viewed porn (I'm a guy with an internet connection) and I've noticed how addictive it can feel. As a practicing counselor working with people who struggle with porn, do I still view it? No. I guess that's mainly due to time commitments; there are just better ways to spend my time! So my relationship with porn has changed in that way. And my work has put me into contact with people who have been negatively impacted by porn in different ways, often severely; that's got to have an impact on me too, I guess.

What made you realize that something was wrong?

Personally, I noticed that time slips away quite scarily when viewing porn. And I can easily see how real sexual relationships appear to pale in comparison to the extremities of porn; its not the best sex educator! So frequently losing track of time or letting porn take precedence over real relationships; these might be two clear indicators that something is wrong.

For the people I work with, the list of potential indicators is very long. Getting into trouble at work, tired all the time, impotency or other sexual glitches, ill-advised encounters with strangers, low self-esteem, huge porn subscription bills, conflicts with faith or ethical beliefs... it just goes on.

What is your life like since you got into recovery?

I'm not in any form of recovery but as I explored the issue of problem porn use, I've become aware of what a widespread, complicated and difficult-to-nail-down issue it really is. A lot of people are finding their lives limited by compulsive routines around porn, and for many it's such a sensitive and embarrassing issue to tackle. The good news is that we are learning and understanding more, and it really doesn't have to be like that.

What are the best recovery tools and tips that worked for you?

I often say that any gain is good. If you're aiming to cut out or cut down on porn viewing, going from 12 hours a week to 6 is a genuine achievement. Old habits die hard. Changing our lives in this way is an ongoing process, but we often go to war with ourselves when things aren't resolved straight away. If we slip back in any way, that's an opportunity to learn a little more about the habit and keep moving forward.
Beating this thing is usually a two-pronged approach: a proactive plan for spending our energies and time in the ways we choose, and reactive techniques for dealing with urges or cravings in the moment. For the latter, Googling 'urge surfing' is a good way to start.

Hope this is useful!

You can read more about Jason on his sites www.quitpornaddiction.com and www.porngameover.com

Warning Inside - Recovery Email 4

There seems to be an epidemic of our members having a slip, and I wanted to reach out to you and let you know to be extra careful in the coming up weeks.

I don't know why this is happening, but one of the theories that I have is because we might be transitioning from winter into summer. Weather is warming up, people start to wear less, and there are just more things that could trigger our subconscious minds and lead us to our old patterns.

 

Please remember everything that you've learned and continue to be extra careful!

 

Below are some of the post from our members. They kindly shared their experience on our forum, so you can learn from their mistakes instead of making your own.

 

If you have time, I would really appreciate you if could reach out to our members who are going through tough times and offer some emotional support.

 

Happy recovery to you,

Alex

 

RightWolf writes:

 

just had my second slip.. i couldn't stand the pressure after bad writing test in college.
my life is terrible.. i don't have anyone to talk to.. no girlfriend.. nothing.. just pain
there is no help for me it seems.. i hate God actually i don't believe in him..
I just want die. One day I'll commit suicide because this suffering doesn't make sense...
I just want to be like my friends and enjoy in small things like conversations, jokes...
or i would accept my situation if I had a girlfriend... I pray God to give me a girl but like always nothing
happens...
fucking life and fucking God
Fuck fuck fuck

 

Absolution writes:

I am 30, and I have had problems with pornography and other sexual issues for about a decade. I have had serious relationships, but every one has been damaged by pornography and/or infidelity.

During most periods of my adult life, I would look at porn at least once a day, along with carrying on empty sexual relationships, both in person and via text, internet, phone, and pictures, with many girls - just about anyone who wanted to carry on that type of relationship. I have come to see how horrifically that damaged both my sexuality and how I look at people, especially females.

Also during most periods adult life, I had a huge problem with alcohol. At times I would drink every day, sometimes a fifth of hard alcohol every night. I have been in jail twice for a total of 70 days for drinking and driving. I lost jobs, friends and opportunities due to my drinking. I was at a place that most people would think is the lowest of the low many times, but I kept going back. Almost 3 years ago, I made a decision to stop letting alcohol control me, and I stopped drinking. I went to a 12 step meeting every day for 30 days. I have drank very small amounts of alcohol over the past 3 years on a few occasions, and recently I have committed to abstain completely.

I am currently in a long-term relationship with the girl of my dreams. My issues with sexuality have damaged our relationship more than I ever could have imagined. I am blessed that my girlfriend has stayed with me after finding out a year ago that I had been cheating on her and looking at massive amounts of pornography for the entirety of the relationship. Even after all of this came out, while we were in the process of working through everything, there were many times that I went back to look at porn. I hadn't realized just how damaging my behavior was, and I hadn't decided that I do not want it in my life anymore. My girlfriend helped me through everything, and she was actually the one that showed me this site.

In July of 2010, I made a decision similar to what I decided about alcohol 3 years ago. I decided to stop letting pornography affect my life like it was. I decided my girlfriend was worth more than the pornography. I did not look at pornography for 8 months. I was proud of myself, I felt my outlook on life, people, and myself change for the better. My relationship with my girlfriend got so much better. It felt amazing having my sexuality focused only on my partner, and having the act of sex be more about emotional and spiritual connection than about just feeling good.

About 3 weeks ago, my girlfriend was in another state for a few days. I looked through movies that could be ordered on our cable TV. I stopped on the adult movies and browsed through them, looking at the pictures and watching the 10 second previews. I justified to myself that this wasn't porn... they were all wearing clothes, there was no actual sex. Later, I told my girlfriend what I had done after she asked if I was doing anything I shouldn't be doing, because obviously she had the right to ask given my past. At first, though, I told I hadn't done anything wrong. I was still justifying to myself, I didn't want to believe that I had broken my string of not looking at porn and not being unfaithful.

But I did break it. It has been one of the worst feelings I have ever felt to disappoint myself and the most important person in my life after thinking that I had overcome my sexual issues. I pray that my girlfriend will stay with me still, but I know the toll that my problems have taken on her is enormous. I know that almost anyone would have left me a year ago. We do have many times where things are great and she believes in me, that I have changed and will continue to do so, but we also have times where we fight or where it is painfully obvious just how much I have hurt her. I don't know if it's right to ask her to stay with me but I love her so much and I feel that I can be the man she deserves.

So that is where I am right now. After coming so far and then falling, I realize more than ever how huge of a problem this is. Even though I made many decisions to keep porn out of my life for what is to me a pretty long time, I did go back to it despite truly believing that I had left it for good. I have always been resistant to calling it an addiction, I have always been resistant to saying that I have no power over my actions or that a compulsion has power over me. I feel like the choices are mine to make, yet I can't find any reason I would choose to go back to pornography. I have a perfect girlfriend who is far more attractive than any of the girls in porn I was looking at, I have great family and friends, and a great job. I absolutely believe in and have been asking my higher power for help, so my resistance to being powerless is not based on any resistance to a higher power. I just can't understand why I would choose to go back to porn (or even look at it in the first place) with all the amazing, healthy gifts I have been given in life. I know how I feel about porn, I know that I hate it and don't want it in my life, but I knew that before I went back to it. I know I love my girlfriend more than anything on earth, and I chose her over porn many many times over my 8 month period of not looking at porn, but I still chose porn over her 3 weeks ago.

I hope to find support here as I go from being 8 months sober to 3 weeks. Thank you all for caring, thank you Alex for creating this site and forum, and I love you all.

Ekamarak writes:

HI, I have been able to stay sober for some months now until yesterday. I was having a project on IP CCTV that was not working out. I was so stressed from the pressure from my client and my boss. They just wanted it to work out. I was doing this alone since my colleague got an emergency and had to leave the site. As I was sitting infront of my computer I had this urge to view some explicit pictures from the internet. I didn't try out anything to avoid this urge and so I resulted to watching porn for about four hours. This made me to masturbate and by evening I was feeling so low and frustrated. I feel so guilt since I have no one to talk to about what I am going through.

SadMax writes:

i've managed to stay sober for just over a month, i started March 6th and now my cravings are starting to kick in, i'm in so much pain, when i take a deep breath my heart hurts, i see images in my head, followed by moments when i feel like just giving up, when i started the month i had a target, i wanted to reach my beloved's birthday sober, i wanted to do this for her when i think about her


does not matter how i feel at that particular point in time, i start to smile, i wanted to prove to myself that i loved her more than anything so i grinned and clawed my way to her birthday

on that day i went to a place i used to go to when i was young, maybe 3 years ago, i sat there for over an hour listening to songs on my ipod i hadn't listened to in years, it was far from where i live, it was late, it was outside, i should have probably been scared but i wasn't, i felt the way i use to when i first became aware of her existence, i felt invincible, strong, brave and for that special i had the peace i used to have when i was positive she would be mine, not because i thought i was good enough for her but because i love her so much i thought that it was impossible for her to not feel me no matter where she is and almost a week after her birthday i don't have anything to aim for anymore.

after my last slip i felt like i couldn't get myself back up for another shot
when i finally tried again, i felt like i couldn't bare to fail another time, i guess that's part of the reason i managed to stay sober for as long as have now, every time i felt like acting out, i would feel scared and sick and remember the pain and guilt, for those of you who don't know, i have OCD so cleaning up after a slip is very difficult, what with the having to repeat everything, what takes minutes takes hours for me.

i realised that staying like this isn't what scares me the most, what scares me the most is that if i don't get sober she will never be mine, i live a miserable life but i live it because i know that where she is there is no pain.

i can't tell her incredibly awesome, i think she is when i'm like this , she will never be mine if i don't get sober
i want her to see me the way i see her, not as a guy whose dug a hole so deep he can't he crawl up out of it.

my cravings are getting worse, Tuesday i spent hours looking at television shopping channels hoping to see women in spandex, those shopping channels where they try exercise mechine, and they show you how the person looked and how the person looks when the product is been used. Today i downloaded videos from a site which bans what we are all trying to stop but shows videos of the peoples dance tease and interviews, i haven't watched them, though i think this would be a trigger for me i downloaded anyway.

i read your post LucasM it made Thursday easier i am grateful and analias i am grateful to you too and Alex im reading your message after ive post


i am thinking about destroying my computer, im scared deleting the internet isn't enough, ive used ERP, ive written a journal, what do i do how do i stay sober, i dont think i could survive an other slip, please tell me what to do, what ever it is ill do it

just tell me what to do