Hello Mr. Weiner,
Today your life has turned upside down. Your relationship has been dealt a mighty blow and your political careers is probably ruined.
But I believe that one day you will look back on today as the day of your liberation. Today was the day when you were forced to break through the denial about your problem. Mr. Weiner, you are a sex addict and it is okay.
You are surely not alone. You are following alongside such politicians and celebrities as Bill Clinton, John Edwards, and Tiger Woods.But most importantly, you are following millions of other men and women who suffer with this problem alone.
Our society is in denial about the powerful energy that human sexuality is. We all were lead to believe that it is easy for men and women to do the right thing, given that they are willing to do so. As you found out through your own experience, it is not always the case.
Some people might not understand why would a successful politician engage in such activities as phone and video sex, but I understand. It is not easy trying to be perfect. It is not easy driving yourself to succeed, and at it not always easy doing the right thing.
Somewhere along the way you've probably developed a believe that sexual encounters over the internet were a healthy way for you to relax . You probably told yourself that internet was just a fantasy and that it would never effect the real life or hurt real people. I believe today you found out those statements to be false.
The truth is that slowly, through indulging in your bad habit, you lost touch with reality. You began doing more and more of it, slowly pushing the boundaries, until you got to the point where you no longer were able to make rational decision and made the biggest mistake of your life.
What it means for you, however, is a beginning of a new life. A life free of compulsion and dirty secrets. You might lose your job, but you will gain back your freedom. Empowered with realization of just how out of control your life got, you will be able to seek and receive help.
Over time you will slowly begin to unlearn some of your destructive habits. Over time your wife will learn to trust you again. Over time you will gain a new level of emotional maturity and be able to look at yourself in the mirror knowing that you might not be perfect, but that you are doing your best.
Welcome to the club Mr. Weiner. Our club of sex addicts in recovery may not be big, but it is growing. Join us, walk with us, and may be one day lead us. Your story may serve as a proof to the rest of the world of just how powerful sex addiction really is.
10 comments:
Well said.
What makes sexual addiction so challenging to deal with is that many Americans do not perceive this as an addiction and quickly lapse into moral judgements around behavior. There is very little support for people struggling with this and when the dams break, people are attacked, criticized and demeaned. I don't condone what he did but the penalty people want him to pay (Official Resignation) is very high. From what I can tell, the primary damage of his actions are upon his family but it appears so far that he did not do any of this during his professional work hours. So, shouldn't the public humiliation be enough?
The effect that sex addiction has on the brain is akin to the readings the brain sends off when using crack. In order to prevent people from doing crack, we are taught at a young age to avoid it. We are also taught to avoid having promiscuous sex, but we aren't taught of it's addictive consequences.
I agree this. Though many believe it is only an excuse for a philandering celebrity, experts say sex addiction is, indeed, a mental disorder. And in an era when the net takes pornography into every household, it will only become a bigger problem. Described as satyriasis in men and nymphomania in women (this is rarer), the addiction is classified as a personality disorder by psychiatrists. And there are individuals in the clasp of an OCD that has zero social tolerance - they may recognise their behaviour as at odds with society, but are blatant about carrying them through, unmindful of reactions.Love sex but don't be a addict of it.
Seems to me like this is a lot more common then most people would think. I know a few people who might be classified as "addicted to sex" and even I am curious as to whether I myself would. I think a lot of people might know how this man is feeling and it definitely sounds like a hard thing to deal with. I hope he is able to get his life straightened out.
This is a compassionate look at a very difficult addiction. I recently lost a friend because of his sexual addiction -- not because I judged him but because of his shame. I do hope Rep. Weiner reads your blog. If he's like my friend, his feelings of shame and self-loathing are drowning out any compassion or help his friends may be trying to offer. I hope for his sake and his family's that he will be able to forgive himself and move on.
I agree this..Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.
I agree with you.Our society is in denial about the powerful energy that human sexuality is. We all were lead to believe that it is easy for men and women to do the right thing, given that they are willing to do so. As you found out through your own experience, it is not always the case.
Rep. Weiner is a representative of the people. If he chose to be involved in politics, he should be a person whose behavior is in accordance with moral norms.
Sex addiction is a big problem in any society. What comes out in the open is just the tip of the iceberg. The society is largely responsible for encouraging this problem. Why should it be only a problem for representatives of the people. They are human and it is a human problem.
I am not sure if it will be a day of liberation for him. That depends upon what he does from here on. Accepting the problem is an important first step, and a good place to start.
I AGREE.I think that sex addiction is too complex to be simply attributed to shame and relief in one group and excitement in another. Celebrity addictions are different in that the fame gives them access to behaviors, possessions, and people that the rest of us can only look at and dream of.
But addiction doesn't care about that. And sex addicts aren't (most likely) addicted to adrenaline; they, like all other addicts are, neurochemically speaking, addicted to the dopamine their brain releases during sexual activity. It's a worthwhile distinction.
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