Free Help for Porn Addiction

Do you want to free up your time, improve your relationships, and re-gain your self respect?

My name is Alex and I am a recovering porn addict. I was raised in a regular home with two normal parents. Like many teenage boys I started watching pornography when I was around 10 years old. I was very isolated from other kids and for a large part of my life pornography was my only “true friend”. I didn’t know that porn could have a negative effect and viewed it as a healthy way to have fun and deal with my emotions.

My Pornography Use Continued to Escalate

Over the years, my use of pornography continued to escalate. I thought that I will be able to stop once I get into a relationship with a real woman but realized that it was not the case. High stresses of life, combined with anonymity, availability, and accessibility of porn over the high speed internet seemed to have taken my porn use completely out of control.

It went on until about three years ago. By that point my porn addiction was completely out of control. I would spend up to 8 hours every day watching porn and masturbating. In order to make time for my habit I would skip sleep, work, and even time with my family. I felt guilty, shameful, worthless, and hopeless.

I Swore to Do Whatever it Takes

After a while I simply couldn’t deny that I had a problem. I swore to myself that I would do whatever it takes to find a way out. To my surprise there was not a lot of help available for porn addiction. And the few places that did offer help, were asking for a large financial commitment that I was just not able to make. That is why I proceeded to try to find a way out on my own.

Finding Solution for Porn Addiction

I've dedicated my undivided attention towards finding a solution for my porn addiction. I've read every addiction book that I could get my hands on, until I finally found a technique called, Exposure and Response Prevention, that allowed me to see the first glimpses of light.

I then proceeded to read even more books, began seeing a therapist, purchased few recovery programs, and began attending a 12 step meeting for sex addiction. It has now been almost 2 years since I watched pornography or masturbated.

Combination of Different Methods Brings the Optimal Result

Through my experience in recovery, I noticed that many people were too fixated on one particular approach. Some people relied solely on group therapy, some on religious programs, some on cognitive therapy, and some on eastern philosophy. Yet in my experience a combination of different methods appeared to be bringing the optimal result. I’ve shared some of my ideas with my friends in recovery and received a very positive response. That is what encouraged me to develop this site.

I've summarized the most important information that allowed me to stop porn addiction in 23 short and fun to read articles.

In the Free Recovery Course You Will Discover...

1. A chemical process that takes place in your brain causing you to get addicted
2. The addictive cycle that your body goes through and how to break out of it
3. How the human brain works and why sometimes you lose control of your actions
4. Four simple exercises to strengthen your brain
5. How to create your sexual recovery plan
6. How to control your cravings
7. An important strategy to help you beat your addiction once and for all
8. How your beliefs are causing you to suffer
9. Seven beliefs that were keeping me trapped
10. One big lesson that I learned from my relapse and what you can do to avoid my mistakes
11. Two very important tools that can magnify your recovery
12. Four things that you can do to help you stay sober for the rest of your life 

Click Here for Free Recovery Course!

 

Frequently Asked Question:

 

What do I have to pay for this information?

All information is offered for free and nothing is expected from you in return!

This site is supported through members’ donations, advertising revenue and sales commissions. That being said nobody is going to try to sell you anything! This model was adopted because it allows to provide free help for porn addiction to anybody anywhere in the world, without having to charge an expensive monthly fee.

Does this information really work?

Every person is different. It has most definitely worked for me. Additionally you can read a a lot of positive comments throughout this website. Since we started offering a free recovery course in August of 2010 over four hundred people has signed up for email delivery, and over ten thousand people have read it over our site. We’ve received no complaints and have been thanked many times.

Why should I listen to you?

My only credentials is that I’ve been there. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. English is not my first language, and my educational background is in computer engineering.

That being said, most of the information that I share on this site did not come from me directly. Rather it is my collection and interpretation of different approaches and techniques that I learned from a large number of books and training courses offered by people who do have credentials. I like to believe that I did a very good job of putting it all together, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Why should I read your stuff?

Because it would allow you to learn from my mistakes instead of making your own. Note that you don’t have to be addicted to pornography to benefit from this site. Most of the information provided is common sense, day to day psychology that will allow you to better understand the inner workings of the human mind, and allow you to get a greater control of your life.

Since this site presents information from a variety of different approaches you would be more likely to find something new and effective that could turn your life towards new direction and allow you to enjoy a new level of freedom.

This information is provided at no additional cost. You virtually have nothing to lose (except for a few minutes of your time) but you have a world to gain.

Last but not least, because by reading this information, commenting on this site, and participating in the forum, you would not only help yourself, but you will also help others. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step. And by giving a little bit of your attention towards this site you can make this world a little better. You’ll see that by learning and applying some of the techniques discussed here, you’ll begin to transform your life! And you will be amazed to discover that your transformation will begin to improve the lives of those around you!

Click Here for Free Recovery Course!

My Relapse, and What I Learned From It - Part 2

In the last chapter, I shared with you how I had a relapse, got desperate, and began reading 12 steps literature. Now I am going to share what I found there and why it made sense to me.

Essentially the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book is just a nickname, the book is actually pretty small) is a guidebook for the hopeless. It begins with Bill W., the founder of AA, sharing his personal struggle.

He had been drinking for many years. At first he didn't think anything was wrong with him, but eventually he couldn't deny that his life was completely out of control. He then proceeded to try to quit drinking.

He first tried self-control; that didn't work. Then he tried getting a psychological understanding of his problem; that didn't work. Then he tried locking himself in a recovery center – but as soon as he was out he got drunk again, so that didn't work either.

Essentially, he tried everything that modern medicine at the time (late 1930s) had to offer, and nothing seemed to help him.

One night, he had an old drinking friend of his come over to talk to him. This friend was sober from drinking for about 2 months. Strangely, Bill said that his friend seemed to appear very happy and present.

His friend told him a story of his own, of how he was going to go to jail for his drinking and misbehaviors, but a couple of men came over and convinced the judge to let them try to save Bill's friend. The judge agreed and Bill's friend went out with these two men.

The two men were part of a religious Christian movement called the Oxford Group, and in essence their belief was that we human beings, were very poor managers of our own lives and that God could do a much better job of managing our life than we could. They have also worked out certain steps and principles to follow in order to achieve just that.

Additionally, Bill became aware of an idea that drunks existed throughout the history of the world, and usually most of them died from the eminent death, except for a few exceptions.

Every once in a while, some of the drunks claimed to have an intense “spiritual experience”, where they found their connection to God. After which they usually would stop drinking altogether for the rest of their lives, and became very religious.

The problem was that Bill W. didn't believe in God. He agreed that perhaps there was a certain rule, law or energy source that governs the entire universe, but he couldn't believe in anything else.

That is when his friend suggested that instead of adopting the traditional vision of God, Bill would create any description of God that would make sense to him. (This I believe is the crucial point to the success of AA).

Bill remembered this idea. At a later time in his life, Bill found himself committed to a mental hospital yet again for his drinking problem. He overheard his doctor talking to his wife, saying that this time Bill finally did it, and chances are his brain will not recover from another drinking spree, and if Bill were to get drunk again, his life expectancy would likely be less than a few months.

That is when Bill attempted to talk to God in his hospital room, asking God to save him. Then Bill claimed to have an "intense spiritual experience" where he saw a very bright white light, and he was able to fall asleep.

It is a historical fact that Bill W. did stop drinking after that day. When he left the hospital, he went on to share his vision with other alcoholics. Eventually, he broke away from the Oxford Group because its membership was too broad, and created a group designated specifically for alcoholics.

Bill's followers went out and actively began to share their story with other alcoholics, and their membership grew to about a thousand people. By that time, the group existed for about 2-3 years, allowing many of the members to get and stay sober. That is when Bill W. wrote the Big Book of AA, which was reviewed and edited by the entire group, and later published.

The book was not an overnight success, but it did create a revolution in how the world saw addiction and created one of the most popular treatments for it – a 12 steps group. Hundreds of different groups have adapted Bill's vision in one way or another, and are using it to help people overcome all kinds of different problems from overeating to sex addiction.

Let me bring you back a little to Alex's story...

Remember how I shared in the last chapter that I began to watch a lot of horror movies during my relapse? Well, it didn't stop there. As I continued to feed my addiction, my behavior continued to progressively get out of control.

The problem was not that I didn't know how to stop. The problem was that I didn't know how to manage my life if I did stop. I knew that if I were to do an ERP practice, I would not watch anything. I wanted to watch it though; I wanted to watch it really bad because I couldn't stand to take the void, the emptiness that I was feeling. I just had to make it go away, to escape no matter what the price was.

At the same time, I realized that I could not rely on my addiction to take away this void, but I just didn't know what else to turn to. So I continued to try to manage my addiction, through limited exposures and "white lies" (as I saw them at the time) to my girlfriend.

What I was actually doing was practicing my addiction, and reinforcing some of the negative beliefs that kept me trapped in the first place.

As I progressed further into more intense behaviors, I could no longer deny to myself that I'd fallen off the wagon. I felt desperate, I felt out of control, I felt like I'd tried everything humanly possible, and I didn't know what to do.

That is when I went back to the 12 steps literature; I downloaded an audio book version of the Big Book of AA, and listened to it. And I bought the idea. I really felt like turning my life over to God, however I understood God, was the only thing that was left for me to do.

I still was facing one big problem though. Should I tell my girlfriend about my relapse? She was so happy with my recovery; I didn't think I could hurt her again. I told her that I was thinking of attending a 12 steps meeting (AA like meeting) for sex addicts, and she asked me why I felt like I needed to go.

I reassured her (lied) that everything was OK, and I just was curious to check it out. Few days after that I was laying in bed, thinking over what I was to do with my life. I asked myself, what would God want me to do? And instinctively I felt that God would want me to tell the truth to my girlfriend. That is when I made a decision to tell her, to do what God would want me to do, and hope that the rest will work itself out.

After I made this decision, my anxiety went away. I know it will sound cheesy, but I also saw a white light in my inner eye, I felt really happy and pure, and I was able to quickly fall asleep.

Few days later I came clean to my girlfriend, and few weeks after that I made it to my first 12 steps meeting.

Since then, many things have changed. I do not blindly believe everything that AA tells me. I did a lot of my own research (which I will share with you in future posts), and found out that there were many things that, I think, are wrong with AA.

Nevertheless, the 12 steps approach worked for me and is still very helpful until this day.

No, it is not perfect, but it is good enough. It is a powerful tool that helped me to get sober and stay sober. And I am confident that were it not for 12 steps, I would not have been able to achieve any long-term sobriety.

In the next chapter, I will share a little bit more about my take on 12 steps programs, and why I think it might be important for you.

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My Relapse, and What I Learned From It - Part1

I think it is important now for me to share a story of my relapse.

I was able to get one month of sobriety by doing the ERP practice. Since I adopted this system myself, I wasn't sure how effective it was. I decided to seek further knowledge and purchased membership at the Candeo Can program.

Surprisingly, I found that my system was very close to the solution proposed by Candeo Can. Nevertheless, I was able to learn a lot from Candeo Can and more importantly, I gained confidence that my approach towards recovery was in fact efficient.

With the help of Candeo Can I was able to stay sober for a total of 3 months. Three months with no masturbation and no pornography felt like a miracle to me. Never ever in my life was I able to achieve something like that.

Since I stopped my addiction, I now felt like life will really begin to work out for me. The problem was that it never happened. I did stop my addiction, but it did not help my social anxiety and other issues that I had. If anything, it felt like my life got harder. I lost the only crutch that I used to help self-medicate myself from the pains of life. Without it, I felt all alone and vulnerable.

I felt like the people at Candeo Can and my ERP practice had cheated me. I stopped my addiction. How come my life was not getting better? Were all of the promises I told myself during the ERP practice just a lie?

Slowly I began to look for new ways to self-medicate myself. Sure I wasn't going to watch porn anymore, but it was OK to watch a horror movie. After awhile I would start watching 2-3 horror movies a day. It was OK because it wasn't porn.

Soon I began to fast forward through the movies looking for "interesting" parts, which usually involved extreme violence and sexuality. I wouldn't even care to watch the plot, just the "interesting parts".

Soon I began to engage in behaviors very similar to the worst days of my addiction. I would stay up all night watching horror movies and I would default on my work. That is when I began to really feel insane. I had all this knowledge on how to stop. I knew that I learned the tricks to allow me to stop. Yet it seemed that I just couldn't stay in the right mindset for an extended period of time.

Sometimes I would want to be sober. But sometimes, I would just feel like I didn't care anymore. Like I "deserved a break".

To make things worse, if I were to admit that my problem wasn't cured, I would have to come clean before my girlfriend. Just the thought of that was killing me. She was so proud of me being able to stop, and so happy with our relationship. I hadn’t seen her that happy in the first 2 years of us being together.

So I decided to do what any addict would do. Try to fix it on my own, in secrecy.

The problem was that I no longer knew where to turn to. I'd already read some of the best books on the subject. I'd already paid for some of the best recovery programs. I've had professional counseling. Yet somehow it just wasn't enough.

Desperate, I decided to look into 12 steps literature.

During my Candeo Can recovery stage, I decided that it was a good idea to go to a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting. I didn't feel like I needed it, but I wanted to do it, just in case. I thought it would help me to connect better to people.

When I attended the meeting, I felt very out of place. The room was full of people with some real issues. Everybody was hugging each other. We even had to get in a circle and hold each other's hands at the end of the meeting. This was the weirdest experience of my life.

To make things worse, I decided to go out for a breakfast with these people. That is when my social anxiety really kicked in. This was the first time since I got sober (about 2 months at that time) when I really felt like acting out.

Needless to say, I swore to never come back to the meeting, since it was making me feel like I wanted to act out, instead of being helpful.

On my way back from the breakfast and into the parking lot, I got to talk to one of the old-timers. I asked him how long he was sober for. He told me that it was about 3 years at the time. I was very impressed with his results and I asked him how did he do it?

He said, very easy, my program is spiritual.

Oh SH*T, I thought to myself, Now I get it. This guy is a religious freak. Now he is going to tell me all about Jesus coming over to him one night and saving his soul.

That is nice, I said out loud, and decided to not ask any more questions.

When we got to the parking lot, the guy gave me the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. He said that oftentimes newcomers do not come back. And if I were to never to come back, it was OK, and I could keep the book. But he highly advised me to at least read Bill's (a founder of AA) story, if I didn't feel like I wanted to read the whole thing.

I thanked him, and took the book. I read Bill's story, and mailed the book back to the guy. I decided to not go back to the 12 steps meetings ever again.

But now 4 months since I originally got sober, and finding myself in trouble again, not knowing where to go, I decided to turn to 12 steps literature again, to see if it might have something new to offer.

In summary, I realized that the phrase "Mind, Body, and Spirit" existed for a reason. My ERP practice and Candeo Can took care of my mind. Through healthy daily habits, I was taking care of my body. But my spirit, my soul was not taken care of at all. This was the missing element, and that is what I had to do in order to begin to see positive changes take place in my life.

I'll tell you the rest of the story in the next chapter.

Meanwhile, I encourage you to take a closer look at your behaviors today, to make sure that you are not letting new addictions replace your old one.

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I've Been Masturbation Free For 1 Year

I have masturbated compulsively 2-4 times a day since I was 11 years old and through the most of my adult life. Since I was a little child I came to believe that it was just a physical need and that I had no ways of controlling it. I have tried to stop before, but I did not understand my "strong sexual drive" fueled by my choices of daily activities and therefore was not able to control my masturbation.

A year ago I finally had enough as I described in my previous post 7 Steps to Recovery:

That is when I had enough. I realized that I really had to do something differently if I wanted to stop my behaviors. I wrote out a list of all the things that I could do to feed my right wolf.

My list included monitoring my emotions, eating healthy, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, doing daily cardio exercise, meditation, and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) techniques that I’ve learned from the book titled “Kill the Craving”. I think learning ERP techniques and following my list as daily practice was my second major break through.

My approach of feeding the right wolf worked and I was able to stay sober for a month.

It has been a year now that I have stayed free. This is the best thing that ever happened to me!

Getting Sober is Like Learning How to Juggle

I have read somewhere that there was a brain study that looked at a group of people who where told to learn how to juggle. After a few months of practice all of the people showed increased amount of tissue that connected their left and right brain. After reading this I decided that juggling could be beneficial for my own health, and decided to learn how to juggle. There was also an emotional attachment to this goal, since juggling was yet another thing that my father was able to do, and I couldn’t seem to pick up as a child. I through I didn’t have the skills for it, but I now understand that I simple expecting to learn it after few days of practicing, and since that didn’t happen I simply gave up.

Since I never was able to juggle, I had a pretty open mind towards the whole experience. I decided to just juggle for a few minutes a day, and see what will happen. I did not see a fast improvement. Some days I would seem to have a break through, only to go back next day to find out that I was not nearly close to the level of performance that I had the day before. I knew that If I were to begin judging my success( or lack) of I would probably quickly learn to hate the activity, just like I did when I was a little kid. But I choose to keep an open mind towards it, and take it as it came. After all what did I have to lose? I already didn’t know how to juggle.

Another thing that I noticed myself doing is looking at my success as a momentary event, forgetting all the work that I had to do in order to get to that point. As a result of that, I have made expectations for the progress that I should have been making. Those were not realistic expectations, and I would soon find myself being disappointed with my progress, which also would lead me to not want to have anything to do with juggling. I would quickly switch from a feeling of experiencing progress, to a feeling that “I was just not meant to juggle”.

In any case, I was able to identify and replace those thought patterns. I would strive to not have any expectations towards juggling, and simply do it because it was fun. I still do it, and I enjoy it. Jugging provides me with a fun way to take a break from my school work.

This morning I have noticed a similarity between my journey towards sobriety and learning how to juggle. In my recovery I would quickly forget the amount of work it took me to get to the certain point. I would assume that just because I had a good week I was cured, forgetting all the work I had to do in order to have that good week. I noticed that it was harder to let go of my expectations for my recovery, because, unlike juggling that is relatively irrelevant towards my overall happiness, failure to achieve certain results in my sobriety could cost me everything that I care about in my life.

Just like with juggling, however, having those negative though patterns added an additional stress and decreased my overall performance. And it is OK. Everything is OK. I am a work in progress and always will be. My definition of sobriety keeps moving away from me, just like horizon. But this is good, because it forces me to keep walking in the right direction. As an old saying goes “If you find yourself walking through hell, keep walking”. I am walking, and even though I still stumble and fall sometimes, I get back up and keep walking. And I hope I will keep walking for the rest of my life, to get as far in the right direction as possible. Life is a journey, and I want my life to be the journey towards happiness, purity, and love.

My 7 Myths about Male Sexuality

My story began a long time ago when I was just a little kid with an early exposure to pornography and other forms of sexuality. It was uncommon in my culture to talk about sex with children, and to be honest, I think my parents themselves had very little idea about how human sexuality was designed to work.

As a result of that, I was left on my own to figure out my sexuality. I used to look at what other people did in an attempt to understand out what was going on inside me.

This was not a healthy approach, especially since at the time I was witnessing the divorce of my parents, as well as my father's struggle trying to figure out what kind of man he really wanted to be. I would see his personality constantly changing from a good loving father, to a horny selfish person. I could tell he was trying to do his best, but I could also tell that he was not succeeding. Eventually, my parents got a divorce, and I was dedicated to never turn out to be like my father.

Unfortunately, I used some of the false conclusions that I've drawn from childhood in attempt to lay out a framework for living a healthy lifestyle. Very soon this approach got me into a big trouble, but it took me year to cut through the chase and figure out some of the false beliefs that have kept me trapped.

I do not want to impose my views onto anybody, if you seem to disagree I ask you to ignore this post. My only goal is to help others learn from my mistakes instead of making their own.

Here are seven myths about male sexuality that have kept me trapped through the years, as well as some of the truth statements that I've used to replace them.

Myth #1. Uncontrolled erection is a sign that I have an animal inside of me – I think an erection was one of my earliest sexual experiences. Nobody told me that this supposed to happen, and when I began to feel my earliest erections I really wanted to make them go away. I tried to use my will power to make it stop, but couldn't get it to work. Eventually, my erections began to serve as an indicator that there was a part of me – my sexuality - that was stronger that my willpower and that there was no way for me to control it.

The truth is that erections are not bad at all; they are one of the greatest gifts of life. They are signs that I take my love towards another woman, and use this power to create another life. They are signs that I can have a family of my own. This truly is beautiful and wonderful gift, and I am thankful for.

Myth #2. Every man has secret sexual desires that cause them to cheat on their wives; they just don't talk to anyone about it. All men are born this way.

The truth is that all men do have sexual desires. This is part of the same great gift that I talked about in the first myth. However, this does not mean that men have to cheat and that all men will cheat. Many men do, but many men do not. It is my life, and I was given a power to make the choices of what I want to do with my life. I can choose to disperse my sexuality on thousands of women, or I can choose to save it for the special woman in my life.  The choice is always mine and mine only.

Myth #3. If somebody knew about my dirty secrets they would have lost all of the respect for me.

The truth is that sharing my experience with others is the only way for me to be whole again. For most of my life I have thought that I could not be happy if I tell somebody about my secrets. Now I realize that the only way for me to be happy is through sharing my experience with others. There are plenty of supportive and understanding people out there, who have had similar experiences to mine, and who would not judge me and will support me on my journey towards become the best man that I can be.

Myth #4. Pornography is a safe and healthy way to explore my sexuality; it is just a tool that I can use to keep my animal instincts at bay.

The truth is that pornography is the worst way to explore my sexuality. Through intensive pornography use of many years, I completely redefined my definition of sexuality, and what I considered to be acceptable. I went from looking at beautiful ladies when I was a teenager, dreaming of one day meeting my true love, to looking at hardcore pornography. Eventually this no longer was enough for me, so I kept on looking at harder and harder stuff. Pornography acting similar to drugs, was taping in directly into the pleasure centres of my brain. That is why I was able to spend hours watching pornography, while it felt like I could not concentrate on any other tasks for longer than 5-10 minutes.

Myth #5. Pornography is the only thing I have to cope with life, without it I have nothing.

The truth is that pornography was the only response that I've learned for coping with the stresses of life, but it is not the only response available to me. I am learning to developed healthy outlook on life, proper time management skills, meditation, and other techniques that would allow me to go through life without having to rely on pornography.

Myth #6.I don't know if I really want to quit, maybe it is OK to look.

The truth is that there is so much more to life then pornography. I only get one chance on this planet, and while it might have felt that pornography was the only thing that I truly enjoyed, in actuality it simple kept me trapped. When I look back, all I can see are years of my life that were thrown away.  By no longer allowing pornography to dominate my life, I am able to follow my dreams.

Myth #7. This is not my fault that I turned out this way; it is a result of what others have done to me.

The truth is that I do not have control over what other people do in my life, but I always have control over how I choose to react to it. I accept full responsibility for everything that takes place in my life.

A Slip Up in Recovery – My View

I am a member of Daily Strength online forum that helps people with various health issues, and I love this site. One of the most active members on my Sex and Pornography Addiction support groups has asked a question about what different people considered to be a slip up in recovery. It is a really good question, and I wanted to share my response, especially since in the process of responding I have learned something new about my own recovery. So here it is:

I actually think this is a sketchy subject to discuss, even though I personally have thought about it a lot. In my 12 step work I’ve met many men with completely different definitions of Sex Addiction and Sobriety. (I go to Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings where you are allowed to define your own sobriety). Sometimes I feel like some of these men are cheating themselves, but choose to think that they are just growing. It was certainly this way for me. Some of the stuff that I considered to be sobriety in the beginning of my recovery, I would not consider to be sobriety now. That being said, I would not be able to get this far in my recovery if I have not taking those “baby steps” (which felt like huge jumps to me at the time).

I have shared my current definition of sobriety somewhere else on my blog, and certainly don’t want to make a secret out of it, but I wanted to say something else in this post. For me, there is simple no right and wrong way to achieve sobriety. Sobriety, in my opinion, is an ever evolving term. Like a horizon, it moves away from me as I keep on walking towards it. It might sound discouraging, but it is not, because at any time all I have to do is turn around and look back, to see just how far I've come.

In a way this reminds me of a common argument that I’ve heard while I was in the armed forces – which branch of service is better? To me this never made sense. For me there were simply those who chose to serve their country and those who didn’t. I think this is the same way with sobriety. There are those who choose to walk towards the light in their lives, and those who don’t. We all have this little voice inside of us that will tell us if we are going in the right direction or not. I personally think that this voice is the voice of God (the way that I understand God) but I don’t want to push my beliefs onto anybody. Some people choose to think of it as intuition, others as activity of our prefrontal cortex, but regardless of what we choose to believe, we all know it is there.

So to me the important part is to listen to your inner voice, and to use it as a compass on your way to recovery. Sobriety, like the life itself, is a journey and not a destination. We all have heard this saying before, but very few take time to really think about it.

The sobriety date and the definition of sobriety are just tools that I used to monitor my progress. My goal is not to remain sober for x number of days, but rather to go through each day learning to be my personal best. I do keep track of my sobriety, but I don’t make it the goal in itself. I believe the amount of sobriety is just a consequence of my daily choices and actions. If I keep making the right choices the sobriety will come.

This is ironic because just a few days ago I had a small incident that I was not sure if I should consider a slip up. I was online, and instead of doing my homework like I intended to, or going to sleep since I felt really tiered, I choose to go on some social media sites, that used to be my stepping stone into getting in trouble. I only spent may be 10 minutes on the site, and all I did was to look through some of the most popular articles on this site. But even though this sounds innocent, in the back of my mind I felt like I lost control. The thing is, this site provides a small image preview of what the article is about, and I felt myself hoping that I would sneak a peek at something “exciting” (code word for something I can lust over). On that day I just reached my three weeks of sobriety, and really didn’t want to give that up. I was actually thinking to make a post out of this on Daily Strength, asking if I should consider it a slip up, but I never got around to do it.(I really didn’t want to give it up :)

Writing this response, however, made me realize that I was far enough in my journey to sobriety to consider this a slip up, and to feel OK about it. I have learned something from this experience, I keep on making progress, and that is all that matters. X number of days of sobriety (my current goal is 30) will happen on its own.

P.S. I feel that I must give credit for some of the things that I’ve said to where it rightfully belongs; that is to Thomas M. Sterner the author of “The Practicing Mind: Bringing Discipline and Focus Into Your Life” ,

Also special thanks to the asker of this question for raising this issue. I feel that God has spoken to me through you.

My 7 Steps to Recovery From Pornography Addiction

By the time I realized that I had a serious problem with pornography I was spending around 40 hours a week, an equivalent of a full time job, watching porn. My personal relationship was almost ruined, and I was a psychological mess.

My first major breakthrough happened because my girlfriend kept on complaining that something was different about me. I remember that I used to get angry with her, thinking that she didn’t realize how good she had it. I would think that all men cheated, and I was just watching porn.

As I progressed farther into my addiction, I couldn’t help but notice a series of negative events that began to take place in my life. I was struggling to keep up with school, I was always late and tired, I was always down, and it felt like the only true thing that I enjoyed in life was pornography. When I watched it I was happy… Everyday life would just annoy me with its inconveniences… I knew that I wanted to have a good job and a family, but getting there was just too hard.

One day I was watching pornography in my car, when I realized that I was late for my test. I closed my laptop and ran off. When I came back I found my car broken into, and my laptop gone. That evening my friend and I went to a strip club to help me feel better. My friend soon got tired and wanted to go home, but I couldn't get myself to walk away. Observing the consequences of my actions and my inability to walk away, forced me to suspect that may be there was something was wrong with me after all.

I do not remember how I came to find out about the work of Dr. Carness, but I remember that I went to my school library trying to check out a book by Dr. Carness called, “Out of the shadows”(Sponsored Link). The book was already checked out, and I got another book by the same author titled, “Don’t Call It Love”(Sponsored Link). I remember reading this book, and realizing that I could connect with almost every story.

I reviewed all of the things that I did as a teenager. How I choose to cope with my daily struggles, and that sex and pornography were the only places where I could find comfort. After reading this book, I knew I had a problem. Shortly after confessed my discovery to my girlfriend. She was terrified, but decided to stay with me and to support me through my recovery. This was my first major breakthrough.

Just a few years before I discovered that I had sex addiction I was able to quit smoking. I've quit cold turkey and decided to use the same approach once again. I tried using my will power for a while, and the longest period of sobriety I was able to achieve was 2 weeks. After that I would slip every time, tell myself that I did it anyway might as well enjoy it, and indulge in long periods of acting out.

I finally had enough after about a year of trying and failing. I remember my last two slip ups before my second major breakthrough. By then I was seeing a therapist and had an internet filter installed on my laptop. The filter did little to stop my behaviors since I knew the password, and would turn it off when I wanted to act out. One night, after 3-4 hour of pornography watching I went to relieve myself, saw my red face in the mirror, and began to cry saying that I was sorry… I cried for a while, and then went to watch more porn to make myself feel better. I repeated this cycle two more times before I was able to cry myself to sleep.

Right around that time, I friend of mine sent me a documentary that concluded with a story that an old Cherokee told to his grand son.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

About two days after this I was spending a weekend at my mother’s house, where I’ve spent another 5-6 hours watching pornography, using my sister's laptop, while my grandmother was next door. That is when I finally had enough. I realized that I really had to do something differently if I wanted to stop my behaviors. I wrote out a list of all the things that I could do to feed my right wolf.

My list included monitoring my emotions, eating healthy, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, doing daily cardio exercise, meditation, and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) techniques that I’ve learned from the book titled “Kill the Craving”(Sponsored Link). I think learning ERP techniques and making the daily practice of my preventive measures was my second major breakthrough.

Note: Since then I have shared my approach of feeding the right wolf with many others, and received a very positive response. You can view a detailed description of this approach as well as download free handout material at the following post "ERP-Break Out of your Addictive Cycle".

My approach of feeding the right wolf worked and I was able to stay sober for a month. I began noticing that I was getting sloppy on my daily practices and that I needed more of a professional help. After some research I signed up for Candeo Can program. I was in Candeo Can program for about 4 months and by that time I was able to sustain from pornography viewing for close to 5 months.

The problem, however, nested in the fact that I slowly stopped relying on healthy outlets to deal me with my daily problems. I thought that as long as I was not viewing pornography my other problems would take care of themselves, which was not the case. Soon I found myself spending all of my free time on non-sex related websites, and watching TV. Essentially I was using these media for the same purposes that I’ve used pornography before - to escape reality. Towards the end of the fourth month I began to watch a lot of rated R horror movies, because I knew I was very likely to find some nudity there, and the horror part gave me an additional jolt.

Then summer came around and I began to notice a lot of attractive women on the street. I knew that lusting after women was bad, but I used to tell to myself that it was OK to "admire their beauty". Soon my old spiral begin to unwrap and I noticed myself slipping further and further back into my addiction.

At the same time all other areas of my life began to fall apart as well. I found myself in debt, I began to argue more with my girlfriend, and my school work was falling behind. I was so mad at Candeo Can program. They’ve “told me” that if I were to stop watching pornography my life would be back in order, I did stop, but my life was still a mess. I thought they lied to me, and I felt cheated out. (To be fair to Candeo Can program, they did warn me about all those things that were taking place, and I failed to listen to their advice). I felt powerless and began reading twelve step literature which I consider to be my third breakthrough.

The hardest part of my third breakthrough was coming clean to my girlfriend. I knew how much pain it would cause her, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. But I also couldn’t think of any other way. I wasn’t watching pornography, but one day I mad a leap from watching a horror movie with nudity, to finding a way around filter and googling a video that I knew would have explicit nudity in it.

After the nudity event, however, I could no longer lie to myself that I was sober, and I came clean to my girlfriend. She was crushed. She thought we were doing so well, she was so happy with the progress that she thought I was making, and all of the sadden it all was scratched. Her world was turned upside down, and I was again to blame for it. This night I took my first of the twelve steps (of sex addicts anonymous) and admitted that I was powerless over my addiction. This happened 3 month ago. And it was my fourth breakthrough.

Since then I went back to the drawing board, and had to re-think all the things that worked and did not work for me. I finally got myself to read the rest of the books on the pornography addiction that I’ve purchased a long time ago. I’ve learned a lot of new stuff from them, and gained some very good perspectives.

I started attending two 12 steps meeting on a regular basis. I now have friends and a lot of support in my recovery. I also learned a great value of proper journaling and how it can be beneficial to my recovery. Candeo Can taught me to journal, but I wasn’t doing it properly, “Treating Pornography Addiction” (Sponsored Link) gets the credit for that.

Through proper journaling I was able to identify most of the triggers and internal lies that I was tell myself through my life. Until today I am journaling daily and keep finding new stuff that have been pre programmed into my head. I work on replacing those lies with the positive things that I do want in my life and believe in from the bottom of my heart. Journaling and attending 12 step groups was my fifth breakthrough.

Even though I was doing well, there was one thing that kept on bothering me that I did not yet have an answer to. I kept feeling that emptiness inside me, that I did not know how to fill.

I remember when I was a sophomore in high school we had an alcoholic come to give us a speech about the dangers of alcohol. She went on to say that all her life she felt shyness, unhappiness, and emptiness inside, and finally found something that could fill it - alcohol. She told us, that it was a mistake and that we shouldn’t use alcohol to fix our problems, and that it was not a solution. But she never told us what the solution was. Since then I’ve been struggling with this question- “What CAN I use to fill this emptiness inside of me?”, and couldn’t find an answer.

Having had a few alcoholics in my family, I knew that alcohol and drugs was not the solution. That is why, I believe, I turned to sex and pornography instead. I believed it was a healthy way out. It was a way out alright, but I now know that it was far from healthy.

About a month ago I accidentally bought a book on Amazon that was about 115 pages long and titled “The Practicing Mind”(Sponsored Link), I have no memory of making that decision, but it must have been due to all of the positive reviews that this book got. For some reason this simple book, has answered the big question, that I couldn’t find the answer too in other hundreds of self help books that I’ve read throughout my life. The answer was very simple, but It would probably require a separate post. For now I will say that my problems mainly came from me being focused on results and not on the process. The approach of always seeking more and more results created a feeling of emptiness and constant dissatisfaction. This was my sixth breakthrough.

Even with all this new gained knowledge, I still found myself falling back into all habits. I would keep on tricking myself into believing that I could “accidentally” see something exciting, and it would be OK because after all it was an “accident”. I would also tell myself that my girlfriend would never know, because these were just innocent websites, that I used for “almost” innocent purposes.

This line of thinking was happening at the subconscious level, and I was able to identify it and bring it to the surface through journaling. This knowledge helped me to take a final step that I knew I needed to take a long time ago – use of accountability software.

I taught my girlfriend how to check my web history inside the filter on my computer, and she goes through it every week now, to help me stay honest. I’ve also installed the free version of X3Watch, but I like the effect of accountability software so much, that I choose to upgrade to a paid and much better version provided by Covenant Eyes (Sponsored Link, first 30 days free).

This was my seventh and final breakthrough so far. I am sure I will have more to come. But in two days I will be completely and honestly sober for five weeks, and I am very thankful for it. It is important for me to remember that the amount of time I stay sober is just a number, a simple by-product of the PROCESS of being sober that I enjoy so much - one moment at a time.

Pornography - The Visual Drug Audio

Right click the title of this post and select "Save Link As" option to download a copy of the mp3 file to your computer.

Pornography - The Visual Drug

Pornography is a graphic display of human sexuality that can be traced as far back as any other sign of human intelligence. Throughout the ages pornography has evolved and developed, but it was not until the technological and ideological progress of the 20th century that pornography was able to find its way in literally every aspect of modern society. At this time American society has not yet formed a uniformly accepted opinion about the effects of pornography. Some activists suggest that pornography provides people with a healthy way to explore their sexuality. Others argue that pornography is the root of all evil, and must be eliminated completely. Neither side is able to supply a solid proof of their position. Growing rates of failed marriages and increase in sex related crimes, however, suggest that, even though a limited exposure to pornography is probably harmless, and excessive exposure can have a devastating effect on involved individuals.

In his book “A history of prostitution from antiquity to the present day” George R. Scott states that the first sexual drawing was made by the cave man, and dates back almost a thousand years prior to the discovery of the first written document. Since then, human sexuality has played a major role in majority of the developing societies. Even though pornography existed, it was mainly used as instructional materials, and not as a primary source of sexual attention. With the development of Judeo-Christian system of morals and the restriction of human sexuality, prostitution began to serve as a source of satisfaction for the human sexual desires. Scott provides devastating statistics to support his statements. For example, it was estimated that one of eight women in 18th century New York was working as a part or full time prostitute. Towards the middle of the 20th century, with the development of science, people begun to question the traditional believes. They could not help but notice that oppression of human sexuality caused a lot of problems in the society. Various movements became to develop, that advocated a free expression of human sexuality, and developed in what we now know as a sexual revolution. Contraception became wildly practiced, and enrolment in premarital sexual relationship became a norm. As a result the need for prostitution greatly decreased, and this fact was commonly used by the free love movement supporters. As a result of sexual revolution, pornography has also made its way in to the mainstream society. Pornography began to be viewed as an individual right to the self exploration. Here is what Sallie Tisdale, a writer and a feminist of the time had to say about an anti-pornography effort by another famous feminist Catharine MacKinnon:

I take this personally, the effort to repress materials I enjoy – to tell me how wrong it is for me to enjoy it. Anti-pornographic legislation is directed at me: as a user, as a writer. Catharine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin [noted radical feminists who oppose pornography]… are themselves prurient, scurrying after sex in every corner. They look down on me and shake a finger: Bad girl. Mustn’t touch. That branch of feminism tells me my very thoughts are bad, that anything goes… The message of pornography… is that our sexual selves are real. (Pornography Opposing Views, p29)

Many health care professionals began to rely on pornography as a means of alternating of human sexual behavior. In their eyes pornography was simply one of the tools that they could use to help their clients. Here is an example of what one sexologist of the time, Pattin Britton Ph.D, had to say on this matter:

As a board-certified clinical sexologist, I can tell you that it is common knowledge in my field that sexually explicit films and videos are often recommended as a mode of treatment for couples or individuals with clinical sexual problems. Such materials are viewed by professionals as helpful, not harmful, assets in the treatment process. (Pornography opposing Views, p30)

The sexual revolution brought sexual freedom, but it did not change the way people viewed family and marriage traditions. Men and women continued to get married, have families and have children. And they continued to have all of the same difficulties that the families were facing for centuries. Here is how Punneet Bedi describes these difficulties in his article titled “The hypocrisy of marriage”

Marriage demands abstinence from extra marital sex for either spouse, but the desire is so strong that marriage vows are often broken. Like all moral codes, marriage rules are generally hypocritical. Moral wrong doing, sexual infections or unwanted pregnancies may be the reasons for some, but the fear of breaking a marriage by betrayal is the most common deterrent. Like most things pleasurable but forbidden, extra marital sex is sought when one is sure that one will not be caught.

As stated in the above article although it is common for people to feel occasional urge to stick a relationship outside of their marriage, very few actually choose to follow up on that urge. Prior to the development of internet pornography, a person had to go through a lot of trouble to get involved in any sort of external sexual activity. In order to get a prostitute, engage in affair, or even go to a strip club an individual had to take a risk of being caught and exposed. With pornography being marketed as a healthy behavior, many people turned to it to satisfy their sexual desires. A trip to a shop that sold pornographic material still has proven to be a relatively dangerous activity, with a risk of being noticed by family members or friends. All of this has changes with the development of the internet technology. Man and women no longer had to risk an embarrassing exposure in order to get their access to pornography. Now they could watch an unlimited amount of obscene material from the comfort of their home. They could even get involved in the “harmless” internet sex with the help of video cameras. Here is an example of just one of these cases from Dr’s Schneider and Weiss book “Cybersex Exposed”

Jack, the oldest of four children, became the “man of the house” at age eleven, when his father left his mother for a younger woman. Jack’s mother took on two jobs in order to feed the family, leaving Jack largely responsible for his three siblings… Jack was very much “parentified,” meaning that at times he was needed to be more the parent than the child. After college, Jack married Susanna, a very dependent young woman, and continued his pattern of feeling responsible for other’s happiness. Several years after his wedding, he became involved with a secretary at work. The affair provided a haven from his responsibilities and gave him a chance to experience intrigue, excitement, and just plain fun, something with which he’d had very little experience. After a year, however the secretary…told Susanna about the affair. Susanna’s response was uncharacteristically independent: she divorced him.

When Jack got married for the second time, he told doubting buddies, “I mean it, this time no extramarital secret life.” One wedding present, a home computer, gave Jack entry to a whole new world - the Internet. Unknown to his friends and new spouse, Jack was involved nightly in three different online affairs, had downloaded more than 1200 pornographic images … and was spending fifteen to twenty hours a week in sexual chat rooms …- all of this secret from his wife and accessed from his study at home.

Before their marriage, Jack and his second wife, Jody, has enjoyed healthy sexual relationship, but gradually, as Jack’s hidden Internet life became more arousing to him than sex with his wife, he grew more detached and withdrawn… Jack justified his activities by telling himself, “I’m not actually cheating. I’m not having real sex with anyone else… I am just having some fun, and no one is being hurt.” He told Jody that his heavy work schedule … were so draining that he was just not interested in sex for the time being. (Schneider, Weiss, p2-3)

Clearly Jacks use of pornography can hardly be classified as “healthy”. Nevertheless the fact that pornography was not being views as anything bad caused Jack to think that everything was ok. Eventually Jody went on to discover his behavior, and she felt that it was neither healthy nor fair. Jack, however, is not alone. Today more and more men begin to find themselves in Jacks shoes.

A groundbreaking cybersex survey by Cooper and associate of 9,265 Internet users found that 8.5 percent were sexually compulsive of addictive. These cybersex users spent at least eleven hours per week in online sexual pursuit. They were considered addicts because they generally denied their online sexual activities, and continued going online despite poor academic or job performance, relationships difficulties, job loss, sexual harassment suits, arrests, failed relationships, or other adverse consequences.

Approximately 1 percent of the cybersex addicts in a follow-up analysis of the groundbreaking Cooper cybersex survey had a lengthy history of sexual obsession and compulsions that long preceded their discovery of sex on the Internet. (Schneider, Weiss, p10)

According to the provided statistics 7.5 percent of internet users developed a porn addiction without being previous predisposed.

It is estimated that well over 60 million people in the U.S. purposely visit Internet porn sites. According to ComScore Media Matrix, there were 63.4 million unique visitors to adult websites in December of 2005, viewing over 15 billion pages of adult content. (Kastleman, p3)

8.5 percent out of 60 million people means that there are over 5.1 million people currently addicted to pornography in U.S. alone, which is more that population of Los Angeles, San Jose and San Francisco combined. Out of these people, 4.5 million would not have become addicted if it was not for internet pornography. And with the number of internet users constantly increasing this numbers are very likely to go up. Cybersex addicts, like any other addicts, become preoccupied with their addiction and stop being responsible members of society. Here is how two of the porn addicts describe their condition.

While many hours at a time were wasted in this endeavor, it never seemed to really satisfy me. Oh, it would for the moment or while I was actually viewing the files, but the letdown and guilt afterwards were a real downer. I found myself risking everything – wife, family, reputation – in pursuit of this compulsion. It was when I began to view it as a compulsion that I knew I had a serious problem. But I did not and could not stop. It was only when my wife found some Web-temp [pornographic] files on our home computer that I was forced to finally confront the problem.

-A forty-seven-year-old married man

Cybersex use consumed my life. I was to the point where just closing my eyes would bring on an uncontrollable need to feed my addictive fantasies. The pictures viewed would haunt me day and night. I couldn’t look at another person without some filthy thought coming into my mind.

- A thirty-five-year-old married woman

(Schneider,Weiss, p50)

Many people disagree with the notion that pornography can be addictive. After all they were taught pornography viewing is healthy exploration of one own sexuality. Empowered by the belief that many men and women engage in pornography viewing, as a temporary means to combat their loneliness, or as a fun thing to do, curtain that when need to be they will be able to stop. In a matter of fact the majority does not realize that their behaviors exceed the limits of normality, until after they are confronted by their loved ones. It is not a coincidence that sexologist have been prescribing pornography as a medical treatment. Pornography viewing causes the human body to produce a full spectrum of chemicals. These chemicals, as any other drugs can be helpful if taken in small portions and harmful if the dosage is being abused.

It is often easier to understand addiction to as substance than to a behavior. The reality is that arousing or stimulating activities can be highly addictive for some according to how it affects their brain chemistry. Whereas drug and alcohol addictions can be defined as “a problematic relationships to a mood-altering substance,” sex addiction can be defined as “a problematic relationship to a mood altering experience” (Schneider,Weiss, p26)

In his book “The Drug on the New Millennium, the Brain Science Behind Internet Pornography Use” Mark B. Kastleman provides a very detail description of the process that take place inside a pornography viewer brain. But in order to understand these processes it is important to examine how the mechanism was design to work during the regular sexual intercourse. He describes the process as going down the funnel, until the climax as reached. Once the climax is reached a couple slowly begins to emerge back to the reality.

The Narrowing Process of the Healthy Marriage

In a healthy marital relationship, sexual intimacy creates powerful physical, emotional, and chemical changes:

1. A Narrowing Process: At the top of the funnel the married couple enjoys a wide perspective of the world and the people around them. Then, as they become physically intimate, their brains begin to narrow in focus… climax is the most narrowly and powerfully focused singular event that the brain can engage in… in order to achieve this place, the brain must narrowly focus its attention and block out all distractions(work, the children, paying bills, etc)
2. The Release of Natural Chemicals: To aid … this narrowing process, the brain … begin releasing a flood of endogenous (meaning produced from within) chemicals… These natural chemicals include the following:
   1. Dopamine: Elevated levels of dopamine in the brain produce extremely focused attention…This chemical causes each spouse to focus intensely on the other at the exclusion of everything else around them… A release of dopamine is associated with craving and dependency in addiction, which may be why it can help produce a healthy attraction and dependency between the spouses...
      
   2. Norepinephrine: This chemical generates exhilaration and increased energy by
      giving the body a shot of natural adrenaline. Norepinephrine has also been
      linked to raising memory capacity. Whatever stimulus is being experienced in the
      presence of this chemical is “seared” in the brain. This helps explain how a
      couple in love can remember the smallest details of their beloved features…
   3. Testosterone: …Testosterone is known as the hormone of sexual desire in both man
      and women. For man, however, it is the key hormone of desire, triggering feeling
      of positive energy and well being…
   4. Oxytocin: … the flood of oxytocin at climax acts as natural tranquilizer,
      lowering blood pressure, blunting sensitivity to pain and stress, and inducing
      sleep.
   5. Serotonin: This natural chemical is released right after climax, bringing on
      deep feeling of calmness, satisfaction and release from stress. Anti-depressant
      drug like Prozac are design to increase levels of serotonin.
   
   
3. The Experience is More Than Just Physical: As husband and wife move down the
   funnel together, there is more to the experience than just chemicals released in
   the physical body… the mind; heart and spirit are all joined together… 4. A
   Climax of Many Things: … the final crescendo resents a culmination of all the
   things husband and wife have shared – doing the dishes, paying the bills,
   raising the children…all that … make up a marriage.

Just like in marriage, a pornography viewer goes through a similar process. The involved chemicals, however, produce a completely different result.

The Narrowing Process on Internet Porn

When an individual enters the funnel
through the viewing of pornography, the physical and chemical processes are virtually
identical to those in marital sexual intimacy, but with some radical differences
…

1. A Narrowing Process: At the top of the funnel, before beginning to view
   pornography, the individual enjoys a wide perspective of the world. Pornography
   addicts … describe the top of the funnel as reality: their public self… Just as
   in the marriage funnel, the porn viewer begins blocking out distractions – but
   he is blocking out much more. He is alone. The object of his narrowing is …
   pornographic images. So along with work, paying bills, etc he also begins
   blocking out all thoughts of God, his marriage, family, morals, commitments and
   consequences… 2. 3. The Experience is More Than Just Sexual: There is a lot more
   going on in the Pornography Funnel than sexual arousal. In fact, remove the
   sexual arousal from the process and any similarities to sexual intimacy in a
   healthy marriage cease… While sliding down the Pornography Funnel, a tidal wave
   of conflicting and confusing images and messages wash over viewer… visual images
   are stored as emotional memories in the brain before the logic center realize
   what has happened… when the logic brain catches up… and brings on a “fight or
   flight” type response. The adrenaline gland sends out cortisol, the “stress
   hormone,” which in turn activates myriad body-system process to counteract
   stress. In essence, the entire pornography process is intensified and
   supercharged, far beyond what sexual arousal alone would accomplish… The human
   system is not design to deal with this overwhelming level of conflicting
   stimulations… This is why many neuropsychologists … refer to pornography as
   “visual crack cocaine”.. 4. An Empty and Hollow Climax: … When one uses
   pornography to reach climax, the brain desensitizes to the images, habituates to
   them, and eventually becomes bored. An increase in the variety of images and/or
   time spent on the Internet is required to maintain stimulation levels… In a
   healthy marriage relationship, sexual intimacy in only a part of everything else
   going on in the couple’s life… So when the couple “brings all of that into the
   bedroom” it is highly unlikely that the brain will habituate to the sexual
   process… 5. When Reality Returns – the Hopeless Dialogue: When the porn viewer
   emerges from the narrowest part of the funnel back to a wide perspective, the
   heartless “drug-high” of pornography and climax quickly dissipate. Suddenly his
   rational thinking returns and the hopeless dialogue begins: “What have I done?
   What was I thinking?” … he wasn’t thinking, that was the problem! Once he
   descends into the Pornography Funnel, he gives up his ability to “think.” The
   overpowering flood of chemicals overrides his cognitive thought and reasoning
   abilities. The frontal lobes – the logic center of the brain – are virtually
   shut down and the limbic system, which controls the pleasure/emotional center of
   the brain, takes over. (Kastleman, p39-57)
2. The Release of Natural Chemicals:
   ... the porn viewer’s brain… begins releasing endogenous chemicals. The viewer
   feels highly aroused… all of the stress, pressures, anxieties and pains in life
   begin fading away as his system is flooded with endogenous drugs… the viewer is
   able to self medicate and escape the reality of life…
   
   1. Dopamine: Elevated levels of dopamine in the brain produce extremely focused
      attention… this causes the viewer to focus intensely on the pornographic images
      at the exclusion of everything else around him…
   2. Norepinephrine: This chemical
      induces feeling of exhilaration and increased energy by giving the body a shot
      of natural adrenaline… Nor epinephrine also increases memory capacity… this
      explains why porn addicts can recall the images seen with vivid clarity years
      later…
      
   3. Testosterone: Pornography triggers the release of testosterone which in result
      increases the desire for more pornography…
      
   4. Oxytocin: … oxitocine acts as a natural tranquilizer. The individual … seek
      oxytocin rush to cope with stress and pressure of life.
   5. Serotonin: This
      natural chemical released … evoking a deep feeling of calmness… individuals turn
      to porn to self-medicate and escape the stress…
      
   
   
3. The Experience is More Than Just Sexual: There is a lot more going on in the
   Pornography Funnel than sexual arousal. In fact, remove the sexual arousal from
   the process and any similarities to sexual intimacy in a healthy marriage cease…
   While sliding down the Pornography Funnel, a tidal wave of conflicting and
   confusing images and messages wash over viewer… visual images are stored as
   emotional memories in the brain before the logic center realize what has
   happened… when the logic brain catches up… and brings on a “fight or flight”
   type response. The adrenaline gland sends out cortisol, the “stress hormone,”
   which in turn activates myriad body-system process to counteract stress. In
   essence, the entire pornography process is intensified and supercharged, far
   beyond what sexual arousal alone would accomplish… The human system is not
   design to deal with this overwhelming level of conflicting stimulations… This is
   why many neuropsychologists … refer to pornography as “visual crack cocaine”..
   4. An Empty and Hollow Climax: … When one uses pornography to reach climax, the
   brain desensitizes to the images, habituates to them, and eventually becomes
   bored. An increase in the variety of images and/or time spent on the Internet is
   required to maintain stimulation levels… In a healthy marriage relationship,
   sexual intimacy in only a part of everything else going on in the couple’s life…
   So when the couple “brings all of that into the bedroom” it is highly unlikely
   that the brain will habituate to the sexual process… 5. When Reality Returns –
   the Hopeless Dialogue: When the porn viewer emerges from the narrowest part of the funnel back to a wide perspective, the heartless “drug-high” of pornography and climax quickly dissipate. Suddenly his rational thinking returns and the hopeless dialogue begins: “What have I done? What was I thinking?” … he wasn’t
   thinking, that was the problem! Once he descends into the Pornography Funnel, he
   gives up his ability to “think.” The overpowering flood of chemicals overrides
   his cognitive thought and reasoning abilities. The frontal lobes – the logic
   center of the brain – are virtually shut down and the limbic system, which
   controls the pleasure/emotional center of the brain, takes over. (Kastleman,
   p39-57)

It is true that oppression of sexuality can be responsible for causing many psychological problems. However, it seems that in its effort to move away from potentially harmful believes of the past, the society moved too far in the opposite direction. Any extreme is dangerous. Hopefully the society will learn to recognize the new danger, and be able to find a healthy balance between the restrictions and acceptance of human sexuality. Until this understanding becomes a common knowledge, it is very important for individual families to be aware of possible effect of pornography; it no longer should be viewed as simple and harmless fun.


Bibliography:
1. Bedi, Puneet. The hypocrisy of marriage. Mumbai: India Today, 2008. 7 Dec. 2008. An article describing problems of modern marriage.
2. Bender, David, Bruno Leone, and Carol Wekesser. Pornography Opposing Viewpoints. San Diego: Greenhaven Press Inc, 1997. Provides a collection of arguments of both pro and against pornography advocates.
3. Kastleman, Mark B. The Drug of the New Millennium. Salt Lake City: Power Think Publishing, 2007. An insight inside the chemical processes that take place inside porn addict’s brain.
4. Schneider, Jennifer, and Robert Weiss. Cybersex Exposed. Center City, MN: Hazelden , 2001. A self help guide for cybersex addicts.
5. Scott, George R. A History of Prostitution from Antiquity to the Present Day. New York: NY Medical Press, 1954. A historic insight into sexuality of different times and societies.

Feed The Right Wolf

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

By the time I was 25 years old, I found myself in the place where I no longer knew what to do with my life. To make things worse, I was battling numerous addictions, and these battles and addictions consumed most of my time and energy. I kept trying to quit"cold turkey", failing every time.

One night a friend of mine send me a political article and the narrator used the old Cherokee story as his closing line. I think I've heard this story before, but this time it took on a whole new meaning for me. I realized that all I had to do in order to get my life back together was to feed the right wolf.

On this site I mainly write about sex (or pornography) addiction, as for me this was the hardest addiction to overcome. But I like to believe that different kinds of people could relate to my experience and hopefully learn something from my mistakes.

Good luck to you on your journey towards a happier life, and remember to feed the right wolf :)