Get $20 Amazon Gift Card !

I’ve been thinking of a way to reward our members who continuously contribute on our forum. That is when I came up with the following idea.

Post 20 post on our forum anytime in June, and get $20 Amazon gift card.

Now I understand that $20 is not a lot of money. I view it more like an equivalent of a T-shirt that you could win at a gym after putting in x-number of hours working out.

The rules are:
  • Only quality post count, saying something like “that’s nice” will not do it. Generally anything longer than a paragraph will be considered a quality post.
  • You can start new threads or participate in conversations started by others.
  • All posts should be recovery related.

That is it. When you’ve posted your 20 posts, simply email me at feedrightwolf@gmail.com and let me know that you are done. I will send you your gift card within a week.

I recommend that you use the gift card to buy recovery resources, but the money is yours, and you will, of course, be free to do with it as you pleased.

Please let me know if you have any question.

Thanks,
Alex

I Had a Slip - Recovery Email 7

About 3 weeks ago I had a slip. Let me tell you what happened.

Honestly, looking back I should have recognized that something was wrong at least a couple of days in advance. But I got too over confident and was too busy with my work and school to pay attention. It was the end of semester for me, and I was pushing myself really hard to try to finish all of my projects in a little amount of time that I had left after my work.

Eventually I noticed myself experience a slight increase of sexual desires, but I brushed it off as something not to be concerned about. After all I was coming up on 11 month of sobriety and had very clear and effortless 3 months under my belt with unrestricted internet access on my work computer, and I just did not feel like I was in danger of acting out. I thought I would habitually stop myself before I cross the line.

So there I was sitting on my computer, working on one of my projects when a though came across that I needed to take a break. So I decided to take a healthy break, and was looking at a blog post that had a collection of travel pictures from around the world. I looked at few countries in Asia and Europe, and they were beautiful, but I just "FELT" like it wasn't enough.

That is when a thought came into my head: "This is boring, let’s see if I can find something sexual in here". I quickly searched through the titles and found one post copied from National Geographic featuring a tribe in Africa. I opened that post, and noticed that there were 3 women on it, with their backs towards the camera, but they were not fully dressed. Perhaps if I were to click back at this point, I would not have called this event a slip. But my next though came in to be "Well, maybe there rest of the pictures will have clothes on, it wouldn't hurt to look"(LIE). So I scroll down and saw few more pictures, and the last one that I saw had complete frontal nudity, and I definitely knew that I've crossed the line. Over the entire entire incident took about 10 seconds.

What came after for me were feelings of guilt and confusion. I struggled to understand what have happened. It took me a few weeks to fully allow the event to fully sink into my head and to distance myself far enough from it to be able to look at it objectively.

But there was another feeling that came with it, and that was feeling of joy. And that joy was not a result of what happened or what I saw, the joy was part of realization that I would have to tell all of the readers of http://FeedTheRightWolf.org about it. The reason that I was happy to tell everybody about my slip is because I viewed it as an opportunity to start over.

When I first started http://FeedTheRightWolf.org I was not getting any visitors. Now I understand that this was just a result of me having very little content on the site. But back then I thought that it was because I wasn't doing a good job "selling" recovery.
So I thought that if I make things sound a little bit more like other websites do, I will be able to get people to read what I had to say. As a result something very unfortunate happened. While I honestly shared all of the positive things that I learned about recovery, I was not completely transparent about some of the personal struggles that I had.

This approach was putting a huge limiting block on my own recovery, and my own experience with http://FeedTheRightWolf.org , after all, the real purpose for this site was to help me with my own recovery. And I only hoped that my own experience might help some other people as well.

Additionally, I believe that because I kept throwing a phrases like "It's now been 2 years since I watched pornography or masturbated" all over the site, but did not take the time to explain what it meant to me, it gave a lot of people an unrealistic expectation of what recovery would be like. So let me clarify my progress. And let me tell you that it has not all been black and white as I’ve made it sound before.

It has been 5.5 years, since I had any sexual physical contact with any person other than the one that I am in relationship with. It has been 2.5 years since I masturbated. It’s been 2.5 years since I watch hard core pornography involving two people engaging in a sexual act. It’s been 2 years since I purposely watched nude videos for extended period of time. For the rest of the time I would have minor slips, where I would find myself looking at nude photography (or video on 2 occasions) with lustful intentions on rare occasions (1-3 months).My second longest period of continuing sobriety was 8 months. My last period of ongoing sobriety was 11 months, until the incident that I described earlier which happened about 3 weeks ago.

So what did I learn from my recovery? I learned that I am not perfect. When I started out, I thought that I will magically find a way to change my cravings and desires, and will fix myself, and then I will fix the rest of the world.

What I found out, however, that it wasn't that simple. I came with a certain piece of hardware, my emotional brain, which I just would not be able to get rid of. This is actually a good thing because without it I wouldn't be alive. But as any other complicated hardware, it came with additional responsibility. So for the most part of my recovery I was trying to learn to use my body in a way that was less damaging to me and others around me.

Did I get completely free of any sexual compulsion? No. Did I make and continue to make progress? Yes.

I really liked the leveled definition of pornography addiction as proposed by Dr. Skinner in his book "Treating Pornography Addiction".

Level 1. Mild exposure – once or twice a year, no effect on regular life.

Level 2. Pornography use does not indicate addiction – occasionally looking at pornography with increased interest.

Level 3. Signs of trouble – person looks few times a month, usually tries to avoid it, but occasionally urges get so strong that it cannot be controlled, and person gives in.

Level 4. Individual notices increased sexual fantasies, and attempts to control them, which results in stronger withdrawal symptoms.

Level 5. Pornography impacting day to day living with significant portion of the day spent thinking about pornography.

Level 6. Pornography dominates most of the day to day life, affecting work, school, and personal relationships.

Level 7. Pornography and acting out consumes most of individuals time, leaving him feeling completely out of control.

When I first got into recovery, I was at level 6 or may be even at level 7 of pornography addiction. I slowly worked my way down the levels, and while my recovery has not been perfect, I have spent my last year at level 1, and the year before that at level 2.

So I hope I did not mislead you with my blog. And if I did, I sincerely apologize and I hope you can forgive me.

I will understand if you will choose to stop following http://FeedTheRightWolf.org and or unsubscribe from our Recovery Email.

After all I cannot give sway something that I don’t have.

But if you are going to stick around, watch out for my next email in a couple of days. I am going to announce a challenge, where you could (very easily) get a $20 Amazon gift card. Stay healthy until than!

Your friend in recovery,
Alex

Great News Inside - Recovery Email 6

First I want to share some great news with you. Candeo Can has changed their signup policy from 6 month commitment to pay as you go program. So if you’ve been considering giving this program a try I suggest doing it now before they change their minds :)

Take Me There

Second, we had some great posts on our forum. Special thanks to our constant contributors RightWolf, AA, Absolution, LucasM and many others.

There is one post, however, that I wanted to share with you today. It is unfortunate that when I created http://www.feedtherightwolf.org I used some language that has made me sound like an “expert” which I am not. (I plan to work on changing that after this semester is over. And I am always welcoming your suggestions.)

The reason that I wanted to create this site and share some of my techniques is because a.) I wanted to help myself better learn them, and b.) wanted to have this resource available to others as a supplement to all other great programs available.

ERP or anything else is not a magic bullet, and I am not an expert in anything recovery related. I am juts one person trying to do my best. One day at a time.

That is why I want to share the following post with you. I believe it really drives home what I’ve just said above.

MrResurreccion writes: http://feedtherightwolf.nfshost.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=405

"One Technique is not Enough!"

It is very important to realize that Alex's recovery course fits his lifestyle and his Pornography addiction.
Many of you found it helpful and continue to see the fruits of his recovery manifest in your own lives.
However, for me I think I will need to personalize the experience more.

Alex's course was first of all amazing help for me. He really did break an opening into the understanding of my addiction
and in Renewing my mind. Along with the Free Candeo Podcasts (which I highly suggest you download from iTunes)
I was able to first get an understanding about how this addiction worked and how my brain can be re-molded and transformed.

However... using Alex's version of ERP did not help me after many months of practicing it in his way.
You see for me I suffered from Pornography of the mind more than the computer. Since I was young my imagination
has always been very strong. And I never really needed to rely on Visual Pornography. Intense thoughts and imaginations
would effect me in such a way that I myself could not control the urge to masturbate 4 to 5 times a day. Even now I feel
triggered just writing about this ._.\/ The computer Pornography was never really the problem, however, it has at times fueled my way of thinking and addiction. I have dealt with Visual pornography, however, every time I break loose from it, I would just end up going back to the very destructive habit of imagining intense sexual fantasies and masturbating to those thoughts.

...which was horrible. I missed class and school because I was depressed. I couldn't deal with my homework... because any type of alone time or boredom would immediately kick in my trigger. AND.. I had been training my subconscious mind to automatically see women and people a certain way. My relationships were affected by distance, and my mind was full of confusion and anxiety.

Unlike normal drugs, Porneia = sexual Immorality, doesn't destroy the body as much as it destroys the mind.
Proverbs 23:7 writes that "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he..."

why do I bring this up... well because I wanted to show you that although I was wasn't addicted to the Visual Pornography...The Pornography of my Mind acted the same way!

We all have personalized addictions. Although they affect our lives in almost the same way.

Depression. Bondage. Separation. and Distance.

Starting today I'm going to start personalizing my recovery process, and sharing some of the different methods I will be using in the next 30 days. Asides from sharing my daily progress, I will also share why some parts of Alex's method didn't work for me, and why others did work for me. Journaling online with many of you I hope we can share our experiences with each other and hopefully bring an end to this distasteful and addictive drug of the new millennium.

-Your's in Christ.
Jerome.

P.S. Now that Candeo has a 47$ per month no commitment policy (which is highly exciting, since I can finally afford their program!)
I will also share my experiences with that! My Prayers are with all of you guys! Especially you Alex!
Keep up the great work!

Last but not least here is some 12 step wisdom for you:

“Sex or Porn addiction is like SPIRITUAL CANCER, acting out will weaken your spiritual life.”

“This is not about recovery from Sex Addiction. This is about recovery from Life.”

“12 step program is not an ultimate solution. Program works because it is a game that we play. It is a great game with a lot of rules, and if we play it well, it works for us.”

“Repression of sexuality is a flip side of same coin. I learn to love myself and my body the way it is.”

“When you find that you can’t relate to others, listen to their feelings, not details of acting out.”

“It took me 52 years to get here, so I guess I won’t be out of here in 6 months.”

“We are not weak for being here. It’s the stronger ones who come into these rooms. Because it is really scary, especially in the beginning.”

“Trust in God and his unconditional love. God will provide.”

Have a great sober day!

Sex Addiction Rehabs - Overview of 8 US Treatment Centers for Sex Addiction

Not many realize that compulsive sexual behavior can be an addiction, and that people struggling with such need help. But as high-profile celebrities and athletes admit to seeking treatment for this problem, interest in the facilities that provide the service has spiked.

There are a lot of options out there, but finding a program that suits your needs can be overwhelming. To get you started on the right track, here’s a quick guide to some of the prominent sex addiction treatment centers in the United States.

Sexual Recovery Institute

The Sexual Recovery Institute is one of the few outpatient therapy centers dedicated solely to sexual addiction. It was founded in 1995 by Robert Weiss, an acknowledged writer and professional in the field (he’s appeared in The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live and the Discovery Channel, to name just a few). Weiss trained under the wings of the renowned Dr. Patrick Carnes and was once a board member and committee chair of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health. His pool of therapists holds either master’s or doctoral degrees in counseling, psychology and social work, among other disciplines.

The services at SRI are as varied as it gets. Ideal for those residing in California or nearby, the recovery program starts with individual treatment sessions for a minimum of six to eight weeks. With the evaluation and treatment plan finalized, patients progress to group therapies. The 2-hour group sessions are held weekly, with 6 to 7 other participants, and will span nine months at the least. Participant couples can advance to a special healing and recovery group for eight 2-hour sessions per week. Spouses and partners of patients may also attend a weekly education program followed by support group meetings.

SRI also administers intensive five- and 10-day programs packed with daily therapies for those visiting the center. The "quick fix" provided by the former suits those who struggle with relatively manageable addictions. Cases that are more serious and require family involvement are tackled in the 10-day program. For immediate concerns, there’s the option of having two to four sessions over the phone, where assistance is limited to directing the caller to local resources that can provide more extensive support.

A unique component to the SRI program lineup is its Non-Violent Offender Treatment. The program lasts nine months to 2 years depending on the patient's needs. It is crafted to identify and eliminate triggers and patterns, institute changes, teach empathy and send patients on a path of recovery.

On top of all that, SRI conducts multimedia training seminars to guide agencies and organizations in their program development initiatives.

The Meadows Dakota

Backed by more than 35 years of experience, The Meadows is one of the most reputable addiction treatment centers in the United States, with support for sexual addiction and trauma provided by its in-patient facility in Dakota. This private, relaxing sanctuary can accommodate up to nine patients at a time.

The Meadows has built its credibility thanks in large part to referrals from alumni, therapists, medical practitioners and other facilities. And much of this praise points to the center’s intensive therapy approach. The program involves at least 15 treatment modalities, with trauma resolution, 12-step meetings and holistic healing at the core. Geared toward lifelong recovery, it goes beyond symptoms to address the fundamental problems patients are facing.

What makes The Meadows’ treatment plan even more compelling is that is based on input from world-famous experts (and authors). Maureen Canning, director of the Dakota facility, is a former board member of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health and was once president of the Arizona Council on Sexual Addiction. She is also a lecturer, level II MDR-trained therapist and certified hypnotherapist. The center’s two consultants, Pia Mellody and Peter Levine, are leading authorities in the field. In fact, Levine developed the natural approach of somatic experiencing.

Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services

Pine Grove was set up in 1984 as an in-patient treatment facility for adults. Since then, the Mississippi-based center has expanded to become one of the nation’s premiere campuses for psychiatric and addictive disorders. Reputed for the quality and breadth of its services, Pine Grove now offers in-patient, outpatient and residential care, and caters to adults, adolescents and even children.

Pine Grove’s sexual-addiction treatment program, Gentle Path, is carried out in a campus a few miles from the main facility. Dr. Patrick Carnes, an internationally recognized guru in the field, came up with the Gentle Path curriculum based on a 30-task model that emphasizes both individualized attention and group participation. The program starts off with a day or two of comprehensive evaluation followed by a six-week intensive treatment plan. It is gender-specific and includes individual and group therapies, and psycho-education. Patients diagnosed with other disorders are treated simultaneously. On top of all this, Pine Grove throws in a one-week Family Care Program and aftercare services. The entire process is facilitated by a multidisciplinary staff consisting of masters or doctoral-level trained clinicians and physicians certified by the American Society of Addiction Medicine.

Santé Center for Healing

The Santé Center for Healing first opened its doors in 1996, led by the brother-and-sister team of Deb and Rip Corley. Currently, it caters to individuals suffering from addictions, eating disorders and behavioral health issues.

For sex addicts, the Santé Center offers residential care and outpatient support. The program begins with an in-depth assessment to pinpoint needs and issues that will be addressed in the personalized treatment plan. Any co-occurring disorders that turn up will be treated simultaneously. Various requirements are laid down for recovery, including formulation of abstinence contract, psycho-education sessions, gender-specific therapy groups, and skill-building and relapse prevention courses. Another plus factor: all the in-house staff is trained in trauma resolution techniques, and motivational enhancement and dialectical behavior therapies.

KeyStone Center Extended Care Unit

The KeyStone Center is an expansive dually licensed facility for multiple types of addiction. At its Extended Care Unit, the focus is on sexual compulsivity and trauma. Founded in 1994 by Patrick Carnes, one of the most recognized experts in the field. The 16-bed ECU is housed in a Victorian mansion in suburban Philadelphia. This huge stone manor with stained glass windows and mahogany wainscoting was once a family home. The management has not added any amenities since.

The ECU environment is austere, the recovery program intense. Residents have daily household chores. For the actual treatment, there are activities lined up for each day of the week. Much of the time is spent on group therapies, which Carnes found effective in helping patients cope with inner struggles. Other requirements include individual counseling sessions and 12-step meetings. The minimum length of stay is four weeks.

To facilitate the healing process, the ECU also organizes an alumni weekend around fall each year. Through this gathering, graduates of the program get to celebrate their sobriety, share their experiences and participate in free workshops.

While it specializes in in-patient treatment, the ECU also offers an outpatient service via the Professional Assessment Center. The PAC is designed mainly for those facing sanctions due to a sexual offense determine if their behaviors fall in the realm of addiction.

Life Healing Center

The Life Healing Center provides in-depth, individualized treatment for sex, love and relationship addiction. Founded in 1993, it operates a residential facility in the hills of Santa Fe, Mexico.

Recovery at the Life Healing Center occurs in two phases. The first stage gets rid of outward manifestations via a structured program, controlled environment and external support. The second examines underlying causes, paving the way for long-term sobriety. The actual treatment plan is carried out in a gender-specific manner. The men’s program is patterned from Dr. Patrick Carnes’ Recovery Start Kit, with emphasis on the healing cycle. The women’s program follows the same basic principles but is tweaked to address the emotional and cultural challenges that affect specifically the female population. The set-up is quite refreshing considering that traditional sex addiction therapies were crafted for and conducted by men. Plus, an all-female environment (from the patients to the staff) better fosters interaction and consequently healing.

With the patient’s consent, the Life Healing Center can administer a family program as well. At the beginning, the program facilitates communication via phone. For the culmination, spouses, partners or relatives are invited to join patients for a multi-day experience on site.

Sierra Tucson

Founded in 1983, Sierra Tucson is licensed as a psychiatric hospital and as a behavioral health residential treatment center. Surrounded by a desert landscape and panoramic mountain, this 160-acre campus has an amenity-filled complex with recreational and fitness resources and walking trails. In its 139-bed living quarters, you’ll find rustic yet elegant lodges with a cozy lounge area, high ceilings, balconies and patios.

While the facility itself is inviting, the main draw to Sierra Tucson is its Program for Sexual and Trauma Recovery. PSTR reinforces a sense of community among patients with weekly group sessions that instill compassion, support and acceptance. Amid this, the staff remains attentive to the development of each participant, preparing individualized assignments and readings and even personalized nutrition and exercise plans. Plus, Sierra Tucson has a Family Program and Couple’s Workshop in place. These educational and therapeutic opportunities allow both parties to sort out their issues and establish an effective support system.

Candeo Can 

Candeo Can  is an online service designed for individuals looking for a flexible and affordable treatment program. At just $47 per month, you get everything you need to cope with sexual addition struggles on a private website. The program revolves around multimedia video training and accompanying interactive exercises. The first part of the training educates patients about their situation and how they can manage it via Candeo's work on the Human Decision System, which enables participants to better control their urges. The second half delves more into the why's and how's. Plus, there’s a personal dashboard that contains crisis and setback tools, a calendar and some journal space to facilitate recovery.

Each participant is assigned a coach to guide them through the treatment and track their progress. Candeo has also developed a complementary support and training program for loved ones who want to share in on the experience. An online discussion forum is accessible to those wanting to share stories and help others out. 

On the whole, the Candeo platform lets participants manage their own pace of recovery from the comforts of their own home. And more importantly, the site promises to maintain the subscriber’s anonymity (no requirement to submit one’s name).

The services offered by sex addiction treatment centers vary in more ways than one. So finding a program that matches your needs is key. It is important to consider the types of therapies available, the set up in place, and the philosophy being followed. But remember the facility and its staff can only set you on path – effectively completing the road to recovery is all up to you.