I've Been Masturbation Free For 1 Year

I have masturbated compulsively 2-4 times a day since I was 11 years old and through the most of my adult life. Since I was a little child I came to believe that it was just a physical need and that I had no ways of controlling it. I have tried to stop before, but I did not understand my "strong sexual drive" fueled by my choices of daily activities and therefore was not able to control my masturbation.

A year ago I finally had enough as I described in my previous post 7 Steps to Recovery:

That is when I had enough. I realized that I really had to do something differently if I wanted to stop my behaviors. I wrote out a list of all the things that I could do to feed my right wolf.

My list included monitoring my emotions, eating healthy, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, doing daily cardio exercise, meditation, and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) techniques that I’ve learned from the book titled “Kill the Craving”. I think learning ERP techniques and following my list as daily practice was my second major break through.

My approach of feeding the right wolf worked and I was able to stay sober for a month.

It has been a year now that I have stayed free. This is the best thing that ever happened to me!

Leave Tiger Woods Alone

About a week ago I decided to suggest on my blog that Tiger Woods could be a sex addict. In the past 6 months I’ve been watching recent sex scandals fairly close  and did not notice much controversy surrounding any of them.

For one reason or another, Tiger Woods’ case has exploded. There are thousands of websites speculating about Tiger Woods being a sex addict and digging through his dirty laundry.

Everybody acts so shocked about the fact that a role model and an excellent athlete would behave this way. Personally, I am surprised that so many people are shocked.

Do you not see the society that we live in today? Do you not see how sexuality gets shoved down everybody’s throat? We have James Bond, a hero, having sex with multiple women in every move. Almost every other commercial we see on TV shows a half naked women, and it is purposely designed that way because sex sells. Our little teenage celebrities dress in a way that 100 years ago would not been considered an appropriate attire for a prostitute… I  can go on forever.

When I was a kid we used to have a male dog, and our neighbors a story above us had two female dogs. My dog spent most of his free time scratching the front door trying to get out, and I couldn’t really blame him. I understood that he had a certain set of instincts that were driving his behavior. Whenever the dog would stay at my grand parents house, he would stay calm and away from the door.

Men are not as primitive as dogs, but our brains do share the same structure. It doesn’t take a scientist to understand that the only difference between us and dogs is a strongly developed pre frontal cortex, a human brain. It is part of our survival mechanism to allow our basic instincts to override our cognitive ability. When we are in danger we simply do not have time for rational thinking. Same principle applies to our sexual behaviors.

A common argument that I hear is that people are able to tell reality from the stuff that they see on TV. While I do believe our conscious brain is able to tell the difference I am not so sure about our subconscious brain.

That is why I am not at all surprised that a man like Tiger Woods could have a hard time staying faithful to his wife. It takes a certain set of skills and understanding of your own sexuality to stay faithful, and our society not only fails to teach those skills, but seems to do everything possible to capitalize on our sexual drive.

There is a growing group of people who come to learn through their own experience the dangers of sexuality, and that it can and often does get out of control. I believe Tiger Woods have just joined that group of people.

So what does our society do? Blame Tiger Woods for everything! How could he? He was such a role model? A professional athlete? A hero? What a disappointment, what a shame!!!

My question is how could he not? Having grown up in a society where sexually provocative behaviors are excepted, allowed, and supported by medical community as healthy norm.

But I think that what ever happened to Tiger Woods is his personal business. He did not break any laws, and I believe this is where society’s concern should end. I suggest we spend more time policing our own lives, and letting Tiger Woods figure out his own.

I wish to Tiger Woods and his family all of the best, and I believe that he will be able to come out of this experience a better man. Until then I suggest we leave Tiger Woods alone.