How to Handle Triggers or Mini - ERP

I hope you were able to record your own statements of truth and that you are continuing your ERP practice.

Today, we are going to talk about a quick method that you can use to handle a trigger when a full ERP practice is not available. I call it mini-ERP.

Mini-ERP is a stripped down version of a full ERP practice and is very useful, since you can't stop and measure your pulse every time you get triggered while driving your car or walking on a busy street.

Mini-ERP consists of breathing, positive statements, and shifting your attention towards something else. (Think: Breathe - Positive - Shift)

Breathing

This is just like the regular ERP practice. Simply take a number of deep breaths. The key is to become aware of your breathing and consciously slow it down.

Positive Statements

Chances are you will have some of your reasons to stay sober memorized through your regular ERP practice. Additionally, you can simply think to yourself of why it is that you are trying to get sober, or to remember how out-of-control your life was when you were acting out.

I picked up another great idea from Candeo Can , they call it gratitude breathing. Essentially, it is a combination of deep breathing and positive thoughts. What they suggest is to think of 3 to 5 things that you are really thankful for in your life. This is a great exercise, and very powerful. Just give it a try next time you get triggered, and you will feel it yourself.

Shift Your Attention

This is also very important, instead of trying to fight your trigger, simply pay attention to something else.

Personally, I try to find something beautiful in nature. I try to notice a tree, or the sky, or a bird, and really take a second to admire that beauty.

But since not everybody is a nature freak like me, you can find something else healthy that catches your attention, like a sports car passing by, and shift your mind to it.

Another way of shifting attention that I learned from the Candeo Can course is to connect with another human being. You can do this by either making a direct eye contact with somebody, engaging in small talk, helping somebody with something small like holding a door, or calling somebody over the phone.

Try to practice the mini-ERP for the next couple of days in addition to your standard ERP practice. Also make sure to take good care of yourself, and replace the old lies of your addiction with the new statements of truth.

In the next chapter, we will take a closer look at our triggers and why some days are worse than others.

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How to use ERP Properly to Change Your Emotional Brain for Good

In the last chapter, you completed your first ERP exercise. If you haven't done so, I encourage you to do it now.

The common mistake that people make is to think that the ERP is a tool that they can use to avoid acting out.

In actuality, it is the complete opposite. ERP is the tool that you must use consistently and systematically when you do not feel like acting out. Let me explain.

Remember our discussion about the triune brain model, and how the emotional brain can take over our body and make us crave, feel, and think things that we don't really want in our life?

If your emotional brain begins taking over and forces you to act out, your thinking brain will be too weak to remember to do ERP. It would just not seem like a good idea at the time.

ERP is not a tool to help you stop yourself from acting out. It is a tool to help you train your emotional brain to crave different things.

That is why you must use ERP consistently, daily, over a significant period of time (at least 30 days) in order to see a desired result. This is your workout for your emotional brain.

You are training it. You let it feel a little bit of craving, and you train it to react in a healthy way.

As you continuously repeat the training, your emotional brain will realize that this activity is important and will begin automating the process.

Do you remember when you were first learning to drive the car? How difficult it was? You were completely present in the process, and it required a lot of conscious effort on your part, right?

How do you feel about driving a car now? Chances are you spend most of your time spaced out, thinking about your day, listening to the radio, or talking on a cell phone.

The same thing will happen with your ERP practice, if you practice it regularly.

To this day, I still get a call from my reptilian brain to act out. But now when it happens, my emotional brain has access to two kinds of memories. One is my previous acting out behaviors that forced me to associate pornography, TV, computer, magazines, etc. as powerful sources of pleasure.

But I also have a new kind of memory: the feeling of self respect that I feel when I choose to walk away from my addiction and to turn to a healthy outlet instead. To me, this feeling is stronger than any benefit of acting out that I could possibly get.

Additionally, when I feel triggered, I notice myself beginning to engage in an ERP practice automatically without having to think about it. I literally notice myself beginning to take deep breaths without even having to make a conscious effort.

This new habit, of course, only comes with consistent practice.

I hope that a consistent ERP practice will help you develop a similar – new kind of memory and an automated healthy response.

Today, I encourage you to download a pdf with sample motivation statements and choose at least 20 (from the PDF, your sexual recovery plan, or your imagination) that really speak to your soul.

When you are done, write them on 3 by 5 cards (small cardboard cards) in a large font. One statement per card, and use these cards in your daily ERP practice, making sure to read out loud to yourself.

People learn the best by a combination of doing, seeing, and hearing. When you use the cardboard cards, you see them, move them, and hear yourself read them, which greatly facilitate your learning process.

Next, we are going to take a look at an important strategy you can use to help you break free.

I am proud of you! Keep up the good work!

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How the Human Brain Works

The triune brain model was proposed by Dr. Paul MacLean in the 1950s. It states that humans don't just have one brain, but rather a layer of 3 brains that have each evolved on top of the other over the course of years: reptilian brain, mammalian brain, and primate brain.

The Reptilian Brain

This brain is the first to be developed. It is responsible for autonomic bodily functions such as heartbeat, breathing, and temperature control. It is also responsible for the most important human needs, such as survival, feeding and mating.

This brain is part of your subconscious mind. It has a set of pre-programmed instructions that it will always execute. This brain cannot change or learn from past experiences. It only understands images, and does not understand language.

Some of the traits associated with the reptilian brain are: aggression, dominance, obsessiveness, compulsiveness, fear, worship, submission, greed, sex, and seeking a mate.

The Mammalian Brain

This is the type of brain developed by most mammals on top of their reptilian brain. It is your emotional brain – this is the brain that is responsible for making you feel the way that you do. This brain creates chemical messages that allow you to store information in memory. The more emotionally charged the message is, the stronger effect on the brain it is going to have.

This part of the brain is able to learn from past experiences. It ensures that you feel pleasure from the activities intended for your survival, such as eating and sex. This function helps to ensure that you will continue to repeat the favorable behaviors. The emotional brain is also able to learn to associate pain with activities that may threaten your existence, such as getting burned or getting hit by a car.

We like to think that we make most of our decisions based on what we think is right. In actuality, however, we make most of our decisions, on what we feel is right. And this "feeling" is the response that we get from our emotional brain.

The Primate Brain

This is the thinking brain. It controls such things as thinking, language, and creative thinking. This brain is responsible for telling us who we think we are.

Unfortunately, this brain does not have a priority over its two predecessors. For example, in an emergency situation, your brain can cause you to automatically react in a certain way, without you ever having to think about it. This function is crucial to our survival, but it can also present some real problems if our subconscious mind decides to take over, as it often does, in non-emergency situations.

In the next chapter, we are going to take a closer look at some of the possible triggers (external events) that can cause our reptilian and emotional brains to take over.

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How Long Does It Take To Recover From Porn Addiction?

One question people are commonly asking is "How long does it take to overcome porn addiction?"

There are really two stages to the process.

First stage is breaking out of the obsessive-compulsive cycle and that stage takes anywhere from 30 to 90 days. And the reason for it is because it takes about 30 to 90 days for a person to form a habit or to learn a new behavior and make it a habit.

Second stage of overcoming pornography addiction is relapse prevention, and this stage is an ongoing process throughout the rest of the person's life.

So while it only takes 30 to 90 days to stop compulsively watching pornography, it takes a lifelong effort and maintenance to prevent yourself from going back into your addiction.

How to Stop Porn Addiction

Do you want to know how to stop porn addiction? The answer is simple but not easy. You need to train your brain to respond to porn cravings in a new, healthy way.

Before you hit the back button, let me tell you that what I am about to share with you does work. I am a recovering porn addict myself. Three years ago I couldn't last a week without watching porn or masturbating. Event though I made a decision to stop, I found myself falling back into my old ways time after time.

It now has been over 2 years since I watched pornography or masturbated. But please don't let this statement scare you, I will not try to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I will simply share my struggles with pornography and what I did to break free. I had to learn a lot about myself in order to get to this point. In the following article I summarized the most important techniques that allowed me to stop porn addiction. For more in depth version I recommend our Free Recovery Course.

Most importantly, you don't have to take my word for it. Here are just some of the positive things that our readers had to say:

There's a wealth of free info available on this site.
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You can read more of our reader's reviews here.

This article is organised in 8 major parts. In parts 1-3 I share my understanding of porn craving. In part 4 I share a very powerful technique that allowed me to break free from the slavery of porn addiction. In parts 5-7 I list some very important tips for long term recovery. And in part 8 I Thank You, because without people who have the courage to face their cravings this world world be a very dark place!

1. Pornography Is Not Just a Bad Habit!

A first major component in my own recovery was an understanding that pornography viewing was not just a bad habit. It was an obsessive compulsive cycle (see Figure 1 below) from which I was not able to break free. It usually started with an unwanted sexual thought that I would try to avoid for as long as I could.

Figure 1. Obsessive Compulsive Cycle of Pornography Addiction

Unfortunately, trying NOT to think about something never really worked for me, and eventually I would get to a point where thoughts would get so intense that I couldn’t handle the pressure any longer. Then I would go back to the only way that I knew to make sexual thoughts temporarily go away – watching pornography and masturbating.

After sexual acting out I would slowly come back to my senses and realize what have happened. I would feel guilt for being so weak and giving in and I would swear to never do it again!

Unfortunately over time I would find sexual thoughts coming back, and since I didn’t know how to handle them in a healthy way, the whole cycle would repeat itself.

Clearly fighting my sexual desires only made them come back stronger and faster, and I began to rely more on pornography and masturbation to help me get a temporary relieve.

Eventually this cycle got completely out of control to the point where I would have to spending most of my day watching porn. My brain got so used to regular imagery that I would have to seek out really hard core pornography in order to temporary satisfy my desires, and allow me to return to my normal state.

In other words, I found that the more I fed my porn addiction, the stronger it got.

2. No Craving Can Last Forever!

The second component that I learn was an understanding that any human feeling, including cravings, cannot last forever. In actuality any physiological impulse is shaped like a bell curve (see figure 2 below).

At first cravings starts out slow but grow exponentially until they get really intense. Somewhere along this path most of addicts would end up giving in. As the result they get used to an idea that they could never get past their cravings and that their cravings will eventually get so strong, that they will have no choice but to give in.

Figure 2. Craving Curve

In actuality human beings cannot sustain any emotion or feelings indefinitely, and eventually any feeling or craving will decrease.

So the trick to stopping porn addiction is to learn to ride out cravings; to master a skill to stay away long enough for cravings to go away. This of course sounds simple, but as many addicts know it is not as easy to do.

Below I am going to share a technique with you that have helped me do just that. But first let me show you a few simple physiological signals that can be used to measure how strong our craving really is.

3. Physiological Signs of a Strong Craving

It is important to know certain physiological changes that begin to take place in human body when they experience strong desire to watch porn and/or masturbate compressively. Such changes include:

•     Rapid Pulse
•     Increased blood pressure
•     Dilated Eyeballs
•     Shallow Breath

It is important to know these symptoms because this knowledge can provide us with information needed to help us on our way to recovery from porn addiction. Let me explain.

We can learn our pulse rate during normal state and then use this information to recognize if our pulse is getting too high. Therefore pulse can serve as an easy to measure indicator that we are about to get out of control. At the same time we can use pulse measurement to let us know that we are exiting the danger zone and that the physical craving begins to decrease.

Another very important component that is easy to observe is our breath. Breath is the only subconscious bodily function that we can consciously control. Think about it! You cannot control your blood pressure, you cannot control you pulse, but you can control your breath. You can take slow, deep, controlled breaths, and through that you can have a direct effect on your subconscious mind. This is a very powerful key to stopping porn addiction!

4. Killing the Craving

So let’s move right into action. The technique that I used to help me overcome the craving is called Exposure and Response Prevention or ERP and is generally used for Obsessive Compulsive disorder and other psychological problems. It’s been around for a very long time, tons of people use it, and it is very effective. I’ve originally learned this technique from a book called “Kill the Craving” which uses ERP to help people with alcohol and drug addictions, and I slightly modified the approach to help me overcome porn addiction.

The key idea of this technique is to systematicallyexpose yourself to situations that would usually cause you to feel a strong craving and practice responding to this craving in a healthy way.  This practice allows our subconscious mind to learn a healthy response mechanism by the time we are faced with a real craving.

Over time you will learn that cravings do not rule your life, and that there is a way for you to ride out a craving and return to your normal self without having to act out. And the high that you get from feeling proud of yourself will be much stronger than any high that you could possibly get from porn addiction.

ERP works in the following way. You first identify a trigger, and as soon as you feel the physiological response from your body, you measure your pulse rate, which you would likely find to be a bit higher than your normal pulse. After that you immediately shift into a controlled breathing exercise to calm your subconscious mind. Next you review your personal motivation statements, to remind yourself of all the positive things that you can bring into your life if you were not to act out. Then you measure your pulse again, and note the difference. Last but not least, you follow up with an act of self care. Let’s look at those steps a little more closely.

Step 1 – Identify or imagine the triggering situation.

While ERP is very effective with helping you overcome a real trigger, it will not be as helpful unless you have already practiced it continuously before facing the real danger. Therefore I recommend a commitment of at least 30 days with complete ERP practice being done the first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

A quick note on sources of trigger is due here. The book that I’ve mentioned earlier “Kill the Craving” recommended alcohol and drug addicts to look at photographs of their addictive substances in order to generate an addictive response. This approach, however, did not seem practical for porn addiction, because looking at addictive images was precisely what I was trying to avoid.

I solved this conflict by creating a strong mental image of myself in a triggering situation instead of looking at actual photography. For example I would imagine myself being alone with computer, or passing by a magazine stand at the store.

Our brain is not able to tell the difference between a vivid mental image and a real life situation, and will produce a similar physiological response. That way Exposure and Response Prevention techniques can be practiced in a safe environment, without having to expose yourself to the real danger.

If at any time during the day you begging to feel a strong craving and a desire to act out, follow up with an extra ERP exercise. Personally, at first I found myself doing 3-5 ERP exercises per day, but soon was able to get through most of my days with only 1 or 2 exercises.

Step 2 - Measure your pulse rate as soon as you observe your body begin to change.

It is easier to measure your pulse for 15 seconds and multiply it times four. Follow this link to download a quick reference chart that will help you to quickly convert your pulse rate and keep the record of your progress.

It is likely that measuring your pulse rate may feel like a burden at first, but after a few days of ERP practice you will get used to it and it will become very easy.

Also, after 5 to 10 days of regular ERP practice you may notice that your pulse rate will not change as much as it did at first from you merely imagining a triggering situation. Please do not use this as an excuse to go look for more triggering stuff. After all it is the sole purpose of ERP practice to train your body not to react addictively to triggers. Therefore, take the decrease pulse rate as a sign of progress, and continue your practice for at least 30 days to allow new habit to form. (It takes about 30 days of repeating a certain task for human beings to form a habit)

Step 3 - Perform Controlled Breathing Exercise.

After you record your pulse rate, follow up with a controlled breathing exercise. Simply, breathe in for 10 seconds, hold your breath for 10 seconds, and breathe out for 10 second. Repeat it 10 times.

I use my fingers that I keep resting on my knees to keep the count of my breaths, tapping each finger for one of ten counts. That way I can free up my mind from counting and concentrate on breathing.

Remember that our breathing is the only subconscious function that we can control through our conscious effort. Do not overlook this step.

Step 4 - Review Personal Motivational Statements.

Next you review your personal statements. You will have to do a little homework on this. Just sit down and write down all of the reasons why you want to get sober. Why do you want to stop porn addiction? What positive changes would it bring into your life? What negative consequences will you be able to avoid?

Answers to these questions must be able to touch the bottom of your soul. When I read mine I can literally feel the Goosebumps! That is how badly you need to want to stop this addiction and get the good things in your life. If you are not going to feel the Goosebumps and if it is not going to touch your soul, it is just not going to be strong enough to make you choose life instead of porn when you will be faced with real temptation.

Some of the statements that I used were: My dreams of having a wife and a child will come true if I walk away. I will be stronger and more in control if I walk away. I will regain my self-respect and dignity if I walk away. My family will be proud of me if I walk away. I will be able to look into people’s eyes, and feel proud of myself if I walk away. You can download 30 sample stamens here.

I had each of my reasons written on 3 by 5 cards, which I would read out loud to myself during each ERP practice. Cards allowed me to be doing (i.e. moving the cards), reading and hearing the message at the same time. Human beings learn the best by combination of action, seeing and hearing. (We learn even better by teaching something that we already know to somebody else. So when you get a handle on ERP practice yourself, try to teach it to another addict).

Step 5 – Re-measure your pulse rate.

When you first begin your ERP practice, you might notice that your pulse rates remain the same between steps 2 and 5. Sometimes you may even find it going up a little. It is normal. Over time you will learn to decrease your pulse rate, and you will be able to bring yourself back to your normal state. Ideally you should be able to decrease your pulse rate from its highest point by about 4 to 8 bits per minute.

Additionally, as I mentioned earlier, overtime you will notice that your pulse rate in step 2 will not be getting as high as it did at first in reaction to the triggers. This will be a sign of your progress.

Step 6 – Follow up with an act of self care.

This is also a very important step. You have to do something good for yourself. Preferable you need to get out of the house.

For my first 30 days I would go out and jog after my morning practice. And if I felt the craving again during the day, I would do another ERP exercise and follow up with a different act of self care, like cooking a healthy meal, journaling, or taking a nap. After my evening practice my act of self care was simply to go to bed early. You can view a list of 67 healthy things to do for fun.

5. One Technique is Not Enough!

I want to share one short story with you that helped me to put everything together and stop porn addiction for good. Exposure and Response Prevention technique is great, but I think it would not have gotten the job done if it was used alone. Anyway, here is the story:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

So I thought what can I do to feed the right wolf? The answer was not as obvious as it might seem.

Over time I came to a conclusion that if I took a good care of myself, my good wolf will be stronger, and my bad wolf will be weaker. Therefore in addition to the daily practice of Exposure and Response Prevention, I committed to the following rules:

• 8 hours of sleep a day
• Eating Healthy (3 meals, and 2 snacks a day)
• Drink plenty of water (at least 8 glasses a day)
• Journaling about my triggers
• Meditating
• Morning and Evening Prayer
• Avoiding Dangerous Situations (think acronym HALT)
• Hungry
• Angry
• Lonely
• Tired

6. Warning!

Soon after you’ll stop porn addiction, you will become able to get in touch with your true feelings. While this might sound like a good thing, you could find those true feelings to be unpleasant.

Chances are you’ve used your addiction for a very long time to escape discomforts of life, and when you take away this crutch, you might feel the full weight of your past mistakes.

Just realize that this pain is a temporary. Use this pain as a guide to identify what areas of your life need improvements, so you can face them and get the life that you truly deserve.

7. Other Resources to Consider

I used everything that I’ve outlined so far to help me get my first ever 90 days of sobriety from porn and masturbation. In the matter of fact I have not masturbated yet (over 2 years now) since I did my first 30 days of ERP practice. I did however look at soft core pornography on a few occasions so this method is not perfect. Actually, I have yet to find a perfect method, and when I will I’ll make sure to let you know. But for now I wanted to share a few other resources that I found helpful.

12 step groups

There is a lot of criticism out there in regards to 12 step groups, but I’ll recommend you doing what my sponsor told me to do, “Take what works for you, and leave the rest behind”. The best thing about the 12 step groups is that the infrastructure is already in place.

If you live near a major city, chances are you will have multiple meetings in your area. If you live in a remote location, you can always attend a phone meeting. It is there, it is available, and you can meet people who have similar problems and are looking for similar solutions. And best of all, it will only cost you a 2 dollar donation per meeting. You can view a full list of 12 step meetings here.

I’ve been attending Sex Addicts Anonymous for almost 2 years now (I started right after I lost my first 90 days of sobriety), and it has been a tremendous tool in my own recovery.

Professional Counseling

Professional counseling is a great tool, but you need to be careful, and pick a counselor experienced with porn addiction.

You may want to consider an Online based recovery course. The only program that I can personally put a good word for is Candeo Can recovery course. They offer a Free Mini-Course which is definitely worth checking out.

Additionally we have a Free Recovery Course posted on this site, which provides a lot more of other helpful information.

I am sure there are other good programs available, so make sure to find what works for you.

Accountability Software

Knowing that there is no way to hide my internet history made it much easier for me to make good decision when browsing the internet.

I recommend Covenant Eyes that costs $10 a month. This software does not filter any of the internet content, but it keeps a detailed report of all your internet activity and emails it to your accountability partner.

A free option that I also use is K9 web filter. This filter can block access to certain sites and keep track of all of the internet history. Just make sure that somebody else is in charge of the password.

No software is perfect and there is always a way around it, nevertheless I found those tools to be extremely helpful.

Educate Yourself

Read as much as you can on how to stop porn addiction. This is what I did and continue to do. It will not only help you to stop porn addiction, but it will help you with the rest of your life.

Spiritual Life

Get involved with your spiritual life, and make sure you make room for it.

Journaling

Journaling was one of the most beneficial tools for me. There is something magical about getting your thoughts on paper.

Remember, progress and not perfection!

Don’t try to do it perfectly and don’t try to be perfect. You will make mistakes, we all do. As long as you keep working at it, you will get better. It took you many years to get this far into your addiction, don’t expect to fix it all in 30 days. It will take you some time. Be patient with yourself, keep going, and your life will continue to improve.

If you stumble don’t beat yourself up.

Just learn from your mistakes, and over time you will become a new person. If you keep working at it, there is no other way; you will become a new person!

8. Thank You!

Thank you for carrying, thank you for trying to change yourself, and thank you for continuing to look for solutions. By making changes in yourself you are making this world a much better place!

If you know someone who is looking for ways to stop porn addiction, please share this message with them!

And remember to feed the right wolf :)

Click Here for Our Free Recovery Course! 

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Links:

• Reference Chart
• Sample Statements
• 67 Healthy Activities

Husband Watches Porn? 5 Tips to Help Your Porn Addicted Husband

The following video series from http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series provide the best explanation of pornography addiction. (Sound starts at about 4 seconds in)

Short on time? Skip the videos and read the rest of the article including 5 things that you can do today to help your porn addicted husband and yourself.

Click Here to watch the rest of the video series.


Is Your Husband Addicted to Pornography?

Possibly, a more helpful approach is to avoid thinking in terms of black and white, but rather to take a closer look at what extent pornography affects your husband. In his book, “Treating Pornography Addiction” Dr. Kevin B. Skinner recommends looking at various levels of behaviors associated with pornography use.

Level 1. Mild exposure – once or twice a year, no effect on regular life.

Level 2. Pornography use does not indicate addiction – occasionally looking at pornography with increased interest.

Level 3. Signs of trouble – person looks few times a month, usually tries to avoid it, but occasionally urges get so strong that it cannot be controlled, and person gives in.

Level 4. Individual notices increased sexual fantasies, and attempts to control them, which results in stronger withdrawal symptoms.

Level 5. Pornography impacting day to day living with significant portion of the day spent thinking about pornography.

Level 6. Pornography dominates most of the day to day life, affecting work, school, and personal relationships.

Level 7. Pornography and acting out consumes most of individuals time, leaving him feeling completely out of control.

Large portion of men in modern day society fluctuate somewhere between levels 1 and 4 throughout their lives. The real danger comes when men begin to pass these levels. By the time I finally accepted that my pornography use was not healthy I was somewhere in between levels 6 and 7. By that time most men are very likely to cheat or do something illegal.

Worst Case Scenario of Pornography Addiction

One man in my recovery group provides a good example of where excessive pornography use may take a person. He progressed from regular porn, to hardcore porn, to crazy-sick porn. He started looking at dating sites and chat rooms. Eventually he met somebody online who was willing, able, and ready. When he showed up at this person's house he found out that it was a police operation and the guy ended up doing some jail time. I believe this story illustrates really well how little our society understands the negative effects of pornography.

As of writing of this article, I am 2 years masturbation free, and I have not looked at any form of pornography in over 9 months.The only form of sexual stimulation that I receive is from interaction with my future wife, and she says that the last 2 years were the best out of 6 years of our relationship.

I did not get to this point right away though. I was raised thinking that looking at pornography was a normal behavior, and literally almost everybody that I knew did it. If anything, I viewed it as a healthy alternative to cheating. By the time I was 25 I was spending up to 8 hours a day watching porn and even came close to breaking the law before I finally realized that I had a problem.

When my at the time girlfriend first approached me about my pornography use, I thought she was crazy. If it wasn't for her pointing out my behavior, however, I probably would have never connected the dots and continued to act out until I would have ended up breaking the law. So if you do decide to approach your husband about his pornography use, be prepared to defend your position. Chances are he will not be very open minded about it at first.

Negative Effects of Pornography Viewing

We must consider additional negative effects that excessive pornography use can have on an individual and people around him or her.

Some signs of pornography addiction include:

1. Being emotionally distant
2. Defaulting on commitments
3. Decreased sexual interest towards one's spouse
4. Decreased interest in healthy activities
5. Poor performance at work
6. Difficulty concentrating

You might be interested in reading 5 Brain Chemicals in Healthy Sexual Act and How it is Different from Pornography Addiction.

5 Things that You Can Do Today to Help Your Relationship

1. Talk to Your Husband about His Pornography Use
   He might not be aware about effect that his pornography viewing is having on your life, and he will never know how you feel unless you tell him. It might not be the most pleasant conversation you've ever had, but it must be done. Bad news never get better over time. 
2. Talk to Other Women Who Had Same Experience
   We have a few wives of porn addicts post on our porn addiction forum. Additionally, Daily Strength has a strong community of women who have dealt with their partners addictions to pornography. I've posted more resources in the comment area below.
3. Consider Installing Accountability Software or Internet Filter on Your Computer
   I would not recommend doing it behind your husband's back, but nothing bring honesty faster than knowledge of 100% accountability for one's actions. Two programs that I recommend are Covenant Eyes ($10 per month) which keeps log of all internet activity on a computer and K9 Web Filter (free) which blocks unwanted content.
4. Educate Yourself About What Your Husband is Going Through
   I recommend reading through our Recovery Course. It will help you understand your husband better. Another great site that offers help to people struggling with sexuality related issues and offers partners support is Candeo Can.
5. Educate Yourself About What You Are Going Through
   Consider reading Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal ($9 at Amazon) to help you understand how your husband's pornography use might have caused you psychological trauma.

I wish you all of the best in your relationship and your life. Even though you might be going through tough times right now, I am confident that a bright future awaits you!