Many of our visitors found that it was too much information to observe in one day. If you find yourself feeling the same way you can either bookmark this site and come back to it later, download a PDF version, or submit your email to the form on the right and have each article emailed to you daily.
Educating yourself is very important, but it is the actions that you take that will set you free. If you are ready to change your life I recommend the following 3 action steps:
- Read through every article in the recovery course below. You might also find it helpful to journal about your progress on our forum.
- Sign up for accountability software. I recommend Covenant Eyes at $10 a month, but if you can't afford it at this time, K9 filter could work for you.
- Begin attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings either in person or over the phone. Yes this program is not perfect, but it does provide a much needed live support environment.
- 5 Brain Chemicals in Healthy Sexual Act and How it is Different from Pornography Addiction
- Pornography Addiction Cycle
- How the Human Brain Works
- Triggers of the Reptilian Brain
- The Emotional Brain
- Simple Practices to Get Your Brain Back
- Creating Your Sexual Recovery Plan
- The Best Thing You Can Do Today For Your Sexual Recovery
- How to use ERP Properly to Change Your Emotional Brain for Good
- A-B-C-D-E Model that is Guaranteed to Change Your Life
- An Important Strategy to Help You Break Free
- 7 Beliefs That Kept Me Trapped
- How to Handle Triggers or Mini – ERP
- What Does a Trigger Tell Us?
- What Do You Want from Life? A Very Important Exercise
- My Relapse, and What I Learned From It – Part1
- My Relapse, and What I Learned From It - Part 2
- What is Wrong with 12 Steps Groups, What is Right with 12 Steps Groups
- 12 Steps Meetings - What Are They Like?
- God's Will for You, or Awaken Your Stronger Self
- Filtering Software - A Tough But Important Decision
- The Emptiness Inside of Me, and How to Fill It Up
- Thank You for Your Time! Course Summary Inside
34 comments:
Thanks for this.. I don't know if any of it will work but it's cool that there are people out there that are trying to help other people with this kind of thing.
This site is a miracle, I so appreciative for what you are doing here Alex. I am starting immediately!
Thanks you so much for making this site and proving the information for free. It has changed my life.
So, when I discovered this addiction it hit me like a ton of bricks. In this past five days, I have only slept about 3-5 hr's in each 24 hr period. I spent a great deal of that time researching his web history. At this point, my trust in him was completely gone. He lied to me about the amount of pornography he watched, he lied to me by saying most of the time he didn't masturbate to it, instead he would just be aroused by it, even after admitting that he was addicted. When I confronted him about these new, unnecessary lies he finally started to confide in me. But,I found myself constantly assessing our future, wondering if I should be selfish and take "the easy way out" since I am not the one with the addiction. Luckily, last night I was feeling so overwhelmed and curious that I googled the words " How to know if my husband is addicted to pornography". I was stunned by all of the links that came up. I have read so many different articles about the facts, opinions, and how to help him. Now I know that he is telling me the truth, and how serious and common this addiction is. I stumbled upon your story, and for the past 4 hours I have been reading every single word of your experience. It has helped me identify his addiction,and prepare myself for the possible situations that may occur on his road to recovery. I am so much more confident in my ability to be really helpful to him, and to get the feelings of jealousy and anger towards him completely out of my system. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I would definitely suggest this site to each and every spouse of an addict. I think that it is just as important for the spouse to be educated on this addiction, as it is for the one who is addicted to read and gain more knowledge on how to overcome his addiction. I am bookmarking your site for my husband because I know this will help him now and in the future. Thank you so very much!
Alex,
I am the wife of a recovering addict. I have only known about his addiction for five days now. My first reaction to this discovery was immediate feelings of anger, jealousy, complete shock,a certain disgust towards him but mostly myself, and the feeling of embarrassment. I have heard about people having addictions to pornography, but I never felt that I had any reason to research this topic. To tell you the truth, I actually thought that people couldn't be addicted to pornography. Immediately, he told me that I do "satisfy" him, that he felt really dirty after he watched the material, he also said that when he does it he actually feels like he is not there (like he becomes someone else until he is done, and then reality hits him). This information, to me, seemed impossible. I couldn't understand how you can be disgusted by something and be aroused to the point of obsessive masturbation all at the same time. My husband and I have only been married for 8 months. I am 26 years old, and he is 25 years old. Ever since we met, we have had an extremely GREAT relationship. I mean that whole heartedly. We never argue, we never fight, basically we have the type of relationship that just seems "too good to be true".
Alex, honestly I had your complete "recovery course" downloaded the pdf, before you started emailing me regular lessons. I just let it go not completely knowing where you would take it with the emails. I didn't thoroughly read every word, or do all of the exercises, but like you said "take what works for you" and leave the rest. Well every little bit of input is helpful, your course is free, and you seemed sincere. I like your course and the information and links that you added. I think it is valuable, and would recommend it to anyone struggling for recovery. I believe you have some very good and effective material. I have seen the Candeo course before, and may yet consider it. I am evolving in my own perceptions and actions. I thought your experience with 12 Steps was interesting, but I don't see that happening for me. I have some very stable and reliable resources that I utilize regularly. I think you have done people a good service with your recovery course download. Like I said, I downloaded it before you started emailing me. I think if someone is to get the emails too it could reinforce the course, and is a several week reminder to stay engaged. Hope this helps. Thanks.
Thank you to everybody for your comments, they mean a lot to me!
And to Wife of an addict, my heart goes out to you! I've shared your comment with my future wife, and we share you pain and know exactly what you are going through.
Please take heart and remember, that there is a way out. It will not be quick, and it will not be painless. But I believe that both of you are going to walk out on the other side much happier than you were before.
There are some great resource both on this site, and on many other good sites around the internet as well as in the real world. Make sure to use them. And remember, our society was poisoned by the new technology, and most of us had no idea of the effect that it could've had on our live. But now when the denial is broken the true healing may begin.
May God bless you!
Thanks for information. Its really, really good. One problem is that when you feel that you have broken the addiction, then you feel you don't need the ERP and cards and so on. So, its tough to keep going, but this really works.
There's a wealth of free info avail on this site.What I can't understand is the " sparse " number of members on the support board ? I would join up-but am afraid of it's eventual demise ? ( I hope and pray that it is not so..)
Maybe this site could partner with another kindred site,so as to preserve all the materials Alex has so painstakingly assembled for those afflicted.Thanks again Alex for unselfish acts of kindness
I just wanted to re-assure everybody that this site is not going to go anywhere, at least as long as I am alive.
There is currently a very small member base on our forum, so please sign up and participate. Your input will be important to others who who also signed up.
Thanks for this site from the bottom of my heart. I am trying to be understanding and a friend to my husband as we work through this and it is such a hard complicated situation. I am angry and critical but know that doesn't help so I am looking for answers/help. This is really challenging the relationship and I don't feel like being intimate with him anymore. But that doesn't help either, it is just how I feel. I don't want him with a head full of a host of porn images and I think I should have that right but I know it sounds like blackmail. It's not what I'm trying to do, just really don't want porn in my life and in his head when he's with me. And it is still my life even though I am married isn't it? Not really. I have to figure out a way to be close to him again or our whole family will go down the drain. So, again. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for this site. I really hope he and I can get some help reading it. Take care and good luck to feed the right wolf and all reading this site!:)
My Husband is addicted to porn, but claims that he is not aroused by it, that he never even gets an erection, and that it has been years since he masturbated to it. Could this be true? I want to believe him, but I find it hard to believe. If it weren't the sexual desire and the results that porn provide, why would he be addicted to it? He says that it just pops into his mind and he cannot stop thinking about it until he looks at porn. Alex, you have helped me to feel a little better about all of this, but what do you think...is he just not telling me everything?
I have been following the suggestions on this site and it works well. I have not looked at any porn for 2 weeks and slowly getting my brain to re-wire. The suggestions here work well.
I am doing other practical things and so far so good!
Thank you for the information. Very useful.
this really helps
i feel like im going to start crying i just finished reading this chapter I feel like I am going to have a panic attack
Hi all,
Thank you for your feedback! Few replies from me:
1. I don't think it is a good idea for a married man to be looking at porn, when he's wife is not OK with it.
2. I glad this information is helpful but remember it is not a magic bullet. Try to find what works for you
3. If you feel like you are going to get a panic attack I think it is a good time to take a break, probably not just from this site, but from internet in general. That being said I hope everything is ok with you now.
You are very dumb if you don't take this Free online Course!
SO MUCH INFORMATION! SO MUCH MIND FOOD!
IT IS THE FIRST PROCESS OF RENEWING YOUR MIND
AND TRANSFORMING YOU TOO THE RIGHT DIRECTION!
If you want to stay in bondage to Pornography and to this Neuro-Drug Addiction then DON'T TAKE
THIS COURSE!
...Because it will certainly break a whole into
the stronghold of your Addiction.
thanks so much alex. this site youve created is really helping me out. thanks.
First day at home alone. I made it through a terrible and long craving today. It was hell and I almost gave in, but I am through for now. Life looks good right now and I feel like I can take on my next challenge today - move forward today... one day at a time, right.
Thanks for the imformation on this i really appreciate it
no word can describe my happiness of this course thank u for this I wish for u heaven whenever i pray I was so Frustrated from leaving this habit but u brought hope to me millions of thanks for u
This is amazing, just started reading. Thx a lot. Greetings from Holland.
great website. you're a good person--thanks for the help!
Alex, thank you for this course, I used to be addicted to pornography and am still at a very young age. I still have lots of temptations but i have found that religion has helped me the most. If you are religious and you watch pornography and masturbate and live in sin and lust and desire, you feel horrible all the time and you feel like youve failed god. I actually attended an apostolic pentecostal youth camp service and the preacher talked about how the devil plays on your weaknesses (lust for me) and makes you desire it,and be tells you that you are gone and don and that God cant use you, but he spoke about how god will not give up on your and that he can forgive anyone for anything. He also talked about how God is still reaching for people to save them and forgives all sin. As a porn addict trying to feel love and hope for redemption and the power to stop viewing porn, i found his words so wonderfull and the spirit of the lord was so strong in the church. I guess what i am trying to say is that if anyone is addicted to porn or if their life is at the bottom and they feel broken, they should reach out to God. The apostolic pentecostal christian church in any area should be able to help and encourage you in your need to stop your addiction. Any church for that matter, as long as yiur find a good church with good people they should be able to help you find the love and hope you need, from God or friends who will not judge you. Alex keep up what you are doing, helping others is a noble cause and ministry. Pray for me, to stay strong where i am now, and i will pray also for the peopld bound by sin. God bless you!
This is an issue I have tried to beat on my own and failed at for many years. At first, like many addicts, I did not even recognize that this was an actual addiction. Then I found myself spending more time in porn and less time in life until life was less important than finding time to spend with porn. There were periods of months at a time where I really thought I had it beaten on my own, but I always gradually drifted back to the habit. Now I know that I ma true addict and I have a real problem that I need help with. I have a good relationship that I really do not want to lose, but I know she is just a hair away from being through with me, and I really do not wish to suffer those consequences. I know that a number of recovery programs state that if you do not seek help for your own reasons you will fail, but I must do this for both of us. I need to get this habit/problem out of my life for good. I found a local counselor who is specially trained in sex and porn addiction and am hoping to start counseling this week if he has any openings.
I know how hard this can be to break because I am living it. It is destroying the only good relationship I have ever had, and I cannot allow that to happen. For others out there who think that this is a "victimless crime," or a safe thing to do, consider this: would you be ok if someone announced this behavior we have at our jobs? to our families? to our kids? It was a large bombshell of a revelation to have dropped on me, but she was absolutely right about it... I would be mortified and unable to ever show my face anywhere again. I realize that probably was not a "supportive thing" to say to me, but the truth is still the truth.
I want to be able to look my partner, and anyone else for that matter, in the eye and say I do not have a problem with porn anymore. I am hoping that this site, the people on it, and some professional counseling will help me be able to make that statement truthfully.
I respect your efforts. I have saved your 23 articles recovery course and I am reading an article each day. You have helped me gain insights and for that i am utterly thankful :).
I am an addict myself and i would like to think that i am recovering. Educating myself regarding this issue helped me a lot in defying it.
I am working on a book myself and gathering information from many sources and your website is simply amazing; quite insightful.
Thank you. You deserve the best :).
you're such a great man!
thanx for your help =)
thanks dude this really had an impact on me and im on the road to recovery im still struggling but its awsome to know that im not the only one
You are a true blessing to me! I started all of this at a VERY young age. I have been a Christain since the age of 4 and yet I have wallowed in this soon for I don't know how long. Nobody knows about it except me and now I can change this without having to humiliate myself further. Dear Jesus, I pray for all of those who suffer in this. Give them strength and bless Alex! Amen
I will certainly read all of your articles. I am so glad that I have found your help, as other websites on the Internet have left me in despair. I think this is such a common addiction and there is such little help for it. I apologise for not being able to donate, but I am a teenager with out the ability to do so. Keep up the good work, you are helping a lot of people.
Thank you so much Alex.
i've been married for 2 1/2 years and i've been recently horrified to realise that my husband has been a sex addict for all of that time, even longer probably. we have so much in common, the same belief systems, that emotional & intellectual connection everyone longs for in a relationship - but our sex life has always been blah. i thought it was because we were stressed, overweight, lazy etc. and thought that since we had everything else in place that sex would get better naturally.
over the past 30+ months of marriage we've had sex a total of 10 times, and most of these encounters i believe have been 'pity f@$ks' (please pardon my language). i've tried to talk to him about it in so many different ways, lovingly, angrily, sadly, threateningly, and each time he promises to change, to try harder, to quit cold turkey and never look back, but would go right back to it, sometimes even a couple of hours after our emotional discussions. he even told me once that the reason he's off sex is because i've put on 10lbs since our wedding and have small breasts which he doesn't find attractive in a woman (and he's about 30lbs overweight - not that i care, but the double standard kills me).
once i even threatened to smash our laptop if i found that he had visited porn sites (a big deal for us as we use the laptop for almost everything and right now can't afford to get a new one), and he found a way around it, by looking up random facebook photos of random 'hot chicks' - and then claiming it's not the same as looking up porn! i was/am so crushed that this wonderful seemingly loving man that i've married and pledged my life to in front of God and our families, could try and deceive me and himself so blatantly.
last week he was sitting next to me looking through his camera, and i actually saw him zoom into a picture of his cousin sister's breasts. his cousin sister!!! that was really the straw that broke the camel's back, i was so heartsick i could've died. i waited until we were alone and calmly confronted him about it, and to my surprise he cried and admitted that he had a problem, that he sometimes feels like an addict who steals from his parents to feed his habit, that he feels that the devil has tempted him and he has repeatedly given in and moved far away from God. it felt like a breakthrough for us that he could admit that much, and i am hoping and praying it is the start of his (and our) road to recovery. i'm sad to say that he's broken my trust so many times that a part of me is afraid to believe his words, and even now i'm bracing myself for him to falter again.
i believe in God, and that my husband and i are meant to be together, that we're supposed to be there for each other through thick and thin, but going through this over the past couple of years i have felt so broken and been so tempted to throw in the towel on our relationship.
i'm sorry i've ranted, i just want to share a wife's perspective, and thank you Alex for all the material you've put on this site, i will pray for a full recovery for you and everyone who needs it.
Thank you for posting this great articles. I wish i will follow them all. May your dreams come true
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